Empty

"There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more
crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room.
It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction
-every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you
getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier,
rushing away from all those lights and excitement at about a million miles an hour."
— Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)

Its truly upsetting and terrifying to feel this way all the time.
Not just about watching two people together,but about everything.

Boring Week(Except for Harry Potter)

Wow.Time passes by really fast and I cannot believe that its almost December!
I guess I have been away for quite
sometime haven't I? Beginning of this week wasn't very pleasant.
I had a really painful tummy ache on Monday.
I hate getting tummy aches because its so disturbing
and it didn't get better until I vomited. I felt so relief after that.
Then on Wednesday this really disgusting lizard came into my room
in the middle of the night while I was awake. It was crawling
on the door,the door was closed,but then my Mom came in unexpectedly
and it fell on the floor and I screamed. It got killed
in the end so all was good. The best day was yesterday,
I went to watch Harry Potter with my very lovely cousin and I thought
it was so amazing and emotional. Honestly,I felt really sad when I walked out of the movie theatre,
I'm not sure if anybody else
feels the way I do but,whenever I leave the movie theatre after watching a really
good movie and one which I really like,I will always,always feel this
kind of unwated emptiness in my heart and its so upsetting!
It feels as though you're walking away from something you love.
I don't know,maybe its just
me getting to emotional and carried away.
The one thing I'm sure is that I will never be over Harry Potter for as long as I live.
I love it that much.

Inspiration

Searchlights over London

“Dear God, let me be something every minute of every hour of my life.
Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry…have too much to eat.
Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere — be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar.
Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute.
And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost.”

-Betty Smith

I don't really know or decide what to say yet. But here's a little inspiration to help you get through this week.

Never Tell

I hate that I always like shy guys,
Because I’m shy.
So when we’re both shy nothing happens,
And it’s just lame.

Blood Like Honey

“I wanted to kill the me underneath. That fact haunted my days and nights.
When you realize you hate yourself so much, when you realize that you cannot stand who you are,
and this deep spite has been the motivation behind your behavior for many years,
your brain can’t quite deal with it. It will try very hard to avoid that realization; it will try,
in a last-ditch effort to keep your remaining parts alive, to remake the rest of you.
This is, I believe, different from the suicidal wish of those who are in so much pain
that death feels like relief, different from the suicide I would later attempt, trying to escape that pain.
This is a wish to murder yourself; the connotation of kill is too mild.
This is a belief that you deserve slow torture, violent death.”

—Marya Hornbacher

I'm sorry everyone,for being so whiny and upset! I wish I weren't like this.
But on a lighter note,Happy Halloween!
Eat many,many sweets and watch many,many horror films okay?

(As for me,I don't really like candy so I ate many,many chocolates)

Think Quietly

“The world is full of things like that: old postcards, theatre programmes,
leafles about bomb-proofing your cellar, greetings cards, photograph albums,
holiday brochures, instruction booklets for machine tools, maps, catalogues,
railway timetables, menu cards from long-gone cruise liners - all kinds of things
that onced served a real and useful purpose, but have now become cut adrift from the things
and the people they relate to. ~ They might have come from anywhere.
They might have come from other worlds. That scribbled-on map,
that publisher’s catalogue - they might have been put down absent-mindedly in another universe,
and been blown by a chance wind through an open window,
to find themselves after many adventures on a market-stall in our world.”

-Phillip Pullman in the preface to Lyra’s Oxford

***

I've received back my exams results. Even though I'm quite unsatisfied at how some
of the grades turned out,I'm glad that I pass everything. Even Math and Physics.
I feel so relief and quite happy at the same time that all the hard work paid off.
I haven't been doing anything interesting recently and
I still have yet to clear my desk and arrange the books.
But I just began reading Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov and I must say,
that the writing is absolutely brilliant.
The holidays are approaching soon
and I'll pretend that school would never have to open again
and rest my soul for a thousand years.

Pastel Shipwrecks

Wow. I'm back blogging after so many weeks.

I miss not getting touching with you all.

Alot things had been going
on the pass weeks. It was really boring actually.
Almost my entire day time was taken up by school activities and extra classes.

Terrible.
I spent the past week studying...and not studying.

It was quite intense and rush because we had to recall back
all the things that we've learnt throught the year,beginning till end.

I was worrying and panicking through the entire
exam period. I still am now through,a little bit.

I don't think I gave my best this time 'round. But its all over and
we're done for the this school year.

We're just waiting for the results and school holidays now.

Oh,since the exams were over I finally gotten the chance

to go to my favourite local bookstore again.
It's been a long time since I last went and it felt really good to be there again.

It just felt like home to me.
That's about it I think.

I just wanted to tell you all how happy I was when I was there.
I'll post another time. Now I'm going to catch up on your blogs.

I've missed out alot!