Boring Week(Except for Harry Potter)

Wow.Time passes by really fast and I cannot believe that its almost December!
I guess I have been away for quite
sometime haven't I? Beginning of this week wasn't very pleasant.
I had a really painful tummy ache on Monday.
I hate getting tummy aches because its so disturbing
and it didn't get better until I vomited. I felt so relief after that.
Then on Wednesday this really disgusting lizard came into my room
in the middle of the night while I was awake. It was crawling
on the door,the door was closed,but then my Mom came in unexpectedly
and it fell on the floor and I screamed. It got killed
in the end so all was good. The best day was yesterday,
I went to watch Harry Potter with my very lovely cousin and I thought
it was so amazing and emotional. Honestly,I felt really sad when I walked out of the movie theatre,
I'm not sure if anybody else
feels the way I do but,whenever I leave the movie theatre after watching a really
good movie and one which I really like,I will always,always feel this
kind of unwated emptiness in my heart and its so upsetting!
It feels as though you're walking away from something you love.
I don't know,maybe its just
me getting to emotional and carried away.
The one thing I'm sure is that I will never be over Harry Potter for as long as I live.
I love it that much.

Blood Like Honey

“I wanted to kill the me underneath. That fact haunted my days and nights.
When you realize you hate yourself so much, when you realize that you cannot stand who you are,
and this deep spite has been the motivation behind your behavior for many years,
your brain can’t quite deal with it. It will try very hard to avoid that realization; it will try,
in a last-ditch effort to keep your remaining parts alive, to remake the rest of you.
This is, I believe, different from the suicidal wish of those who are in so much pain
that death feels like relief, different from the suicide I would later attempt, trying to escape that pain.
This is a wish to murder yourself; the connotation of kill is too mild.
This is a belief that you deserve slow torture, violent death.”

—Marya Hornbacher

I'm sorry everyone,for being so whiny and upset! I wish I weren't like this.
But on a lighter note,Happy Halloween!
Eat many,many sweets and watch many,many horror films okay?

(As for me,I don't really like candy so I ate many,many chocolates)

Mirror

I cringe every time I look at myself in the mirror.
So I almost never ever look at myself in the mirror unless it’s to check that
I don’t have something stuck in between my teeth,
or to see if my nose is still off centre,
or if my face is still horribly asymmetrical or if my face is still funny
or it’s an awful accident but sometimes, it’s so much more than that.
Sometimes, when I can stand looking at myself long enough,
I get scared because I see all of me
and I see all ninety-seven fragments of myself trapped in my champagne-coloured eyes,
struggling to break free. I see weakness and failure and disappointment
and boredom and restlessness.
I see what people see when they tell me I look so much like my mother
but I also see the awkwardness and bafflement in their pitying gazes
because I am not beautiful like her.
I see my father’s eyes.
I see myself cradling my fragility
and I see everything I am and everything I’m not
and everything I should be and everything I can’t be and everything I want to be
but I really see that I’m nothing, and I cringe every time I look at myself in the mirror.
This is the mainly the reason why I don't often go to the restroom when I'm outside
or in someone's home and annoys the hell out of me when people keep on telling me to go.
No,I don't feel like using the toilet and I don't see why I need to groom myself.
It's pretty pointless.
I'd still look horrible and I'd just feel alot worse.
Some people just don't understand this.

Sometime Tomorrow

I feel like i’m in a really odd in-between stage right now.

I sound like a horrible cliche, but it’s like I’m not a child,

but I’m not quite old enough yet.

I can’t explain it. But all i feel like i can do is sit around.

I'm not quite old enough, so I can’t really do anything.

But I’m not young enough to be entertained by the things I used

to be entertained by.

I hate it when I can’t explain myself.

***

Everyone will have their own partner or groups to stick around with.
I have no one. No friends.
No one wants to hang around with a madgirl anyway.
I will be the awkward,pathetic-looking girl who will just be
tagging along with the rest.

I will be going on a field trip with my class to some school tomorrow
and its not going to be fun.

Less Exciting

I am told to go for a family event thing this afternoon but the tell the truth I don't want to.
It's not like my cousins aren't going to be there,they are. Its just that,I don't want to and
I don't really communicate with my relatives that much or recognise half of them!
I already know what I'm going to expect.
My relatives are going to say how big I've grown,ask what grade am at I in school,
who's daughter am I,all that stuff and I get really tired hearing them commenting on me.
At the end of the end all I do sit
one spot and look bored while I wait for the the adults to finish talking.

I rather be spending the afternoon in the bookstore browsing through good books.

Secret#1 I don't like going for huge family events and stuff.

The Picture Perfect Girl

There's this girl that I know of,with shoulder-length hair,
big brown eyes,she barely has spots on her face,flawless.
She's skinny and has all the right curves.
She could fit into anything her heart desires.
From shirts to skirts,dresses to shorts and tights and skinny jeans.
She's rich,she travels and can afford all those gorgeous clothes.
The ones you find in Topshop,Forever 21 and other designer stores.
She's that girl that everybody wants to be friends with.
She has almost everything. She's blessed.

but,every time I look at her, I can't help but feel horrible about myself. I feel disgusted with myself.
it's like there's a voice inside my head that's repeatedly saying,
"she's so pretty,so perfect.
and what about you?
oh that's right,
pathetic."


(Other than that issue,I'm doing quite alright)

Summer Break is Over,For Me

My summer break is over and I start school tomorrow which is very,very sad. I think its kind of pathetic that they only gave us a month holiday and it feels so soon. I don't know,maybe I'm just saying because my vacation took most of my holiday time and therefore making me feel like a month wasn't enough.
But I feel different this time. I'm not so upset about school starting,because I know that once it does,they'll be many,many activities going on,and it'll keep me more busy and occupy rather than just sitting at home and staring at the computer screen for the whole day.
After tomorrow,I'll probably blog less,but not entirely gone or anything like that. Reason being,I need to focus more on my not-so-very-goo subjects,which are,Chemistry,Physics and Math. My next exam is in August and if I don't do well I'll be in deep trouble.
Oh,an I just remember,they'll be P.E again. Tsk. :/

P.S. Aw,I didn't get to catch Toy Story 3 in 3D. I really wanted to but I didn't have anyone to go with because almost everyone were so busy. I really wanted to see Barbie and Ken in it!

I Hate Being the Ugly One in the Group

Um. Honestly,I'm not really sure how to start this post. The subject matter has been roaming in my head for as long as I can remember. And I really wanted to let out.

Ever since I was thirteen,I started having issues with clothes and trying them out in fitting rooms. It was always like,I'd picked something I'd like(with the right sizes and all) and gave it a shot in the fitting room. But unfortunately it often doesn't fit. It was either too big,too small,or it just didn't look good on me. But then when some really skinny girl tries them on,it fits them perfectly.

There was this one time when I was in this clothes store and I tried on one of their dress. It had sort of floral design and a bit of lace here and there. While I was trying it on,I was praying and hoping,hoping that it'll fit. But it didn't. I felt really disgusted with myself so I just gave the dress to the sales assistant and ran out of the store and I was crying a little.

I get really,really disappointed start to hate and get angry and with myself whenever this things happen. Eventually,it made me hate going in fitting rooms and trying on new clothes because I just didn't want to upset myself all over again.

And this made me the not so fashionable one whenever I go out in a group while the rest of them wore stuff that I could only dream about wearing.
And I only own a few selected dresses and blouses.

*
*
*

“Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.”

-J.K. Rowling


Jo March: I’m ugly and awkward and I always say the wrong things. I fly around throwing away perfectly good marriage proposals. I love our home, but I’m just so fitful and I can’t stand being here! I’m sorry, I’m sorry Marmee. There’s just something really wrong with me. I want to change, but I - I can’t. And I just know I’ll never fit in anywhere.

Little Women (1994)

"Do your homework,get inspired"

Life in school will be better if this work out like these. :(

I'm counting down to my summer break. I only have to endure two more weeks of school, then I'm free as a bird.

Again and Again

I sat down for my accounting paper
with pure determination
I could answer the questions.
I could pass.

But those positive thoughts vanished
when I read the questions.
They were tough
I had visions of myself getting back the paper.
No smile,Sad,Disappointed,Hopeless.
I guess,
I should've studied a little more the night before.

I groaned.
I regret.

My day got a lot worse after that.

Two schoolmates if mine,
Boys.
We were of the same age
but not really the same height.
One was a little taller
the other was shorter.

I've known them for 2 years,
but we've never had a proper conversation.
It was mainly
them
teasing
me.
Sometimes playful,
sometimes not.

They still tease me to this very day.
Today.
I wasn't,of course,
like a 3-year old
who cried over things like that.
In fact,
I merely laugh at it.

But then,
it got mean
and mean
and
meaner.
They said things.
Mean things about
your face,
your height,
your weight.
And sometimes they're never true.
They just want you to feel bad.

Their words were like bullets shooting my heart.
It hit. It hurts.
But I kept quiet.
I was afraid to shut them up.
Afraid that I'd make a fool out me.
But the truth was what I wished to do was
scream and beat the shit out of them.
But of course I didn't.
I kept quiet,as they continued their fun.
How appropriate.

And for the record,
these boys,some of my school boys
they are like that.
Their mind sets are like that.
They think its cool to tease
and insult
and swear,
on girls (they don't seem attracted to)
on teachers
and stuff they don't care.

No,its not cool.
Not awesome.
Not cute.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

When I got home,
I got into an argument with
Mom and Dad.
Mom especially. Again.
She was always finding fault in me.
Always.

Later that afternoon,
they went out.
I could hear the door slammed
it echoed the whole house.
I was in my room.
Alone.

At times like this
normal people would have
called and text their friends,
console in them.
I didn't.
I don't have any friends
to call
to text
to console to.
I was,
Alone.

Then I started to cry.
I didn't want to
but
I did.
I couldn't control the tears
I cried
I cried
I cried
I thought about,
how I am such loser,
how pathetic my life was
how everything was going from good
to bad,to worse,to shit.

Then I suddenly felt tired.
I slowly lay in bed
Closed my eyes
and
drift off to sleep
my face wet with tears.
I needed to rest.

Misunderstandings are Ugly

Today,I ate,I decided too. I figured that there was no point not eating,I've already had less sleep. I was only going to feel more upset than I actually was. I guess,I''ll have to find another way to be lovely.

***

My exams starts tomorrow.
English on Wednesday
Physics & Social Studies on Thursday
Math on Friday
and some other papers next week.
I managed to push away my laziness aside and took the time to study
in the library,during the last two weeks and so.
I can't stop worrying about the tests as long as its not over. I've already predict that I'm gonna flunk my Math. I think so. Because,honestly,I'm not so sure about some of the Math stuff yet.
Well,fail that or not,let's just hope I don't fail more than one subject.

*Fingers crossed*

***

Oh,frisbee during P.E class today was really fun,surprisingly! I laugh out loud so much,and it felt so good! :D
I can't remember when was the last time I felt so happy giggly like that.

***

There's drama going on in my family again. Grandma and Aunt are quarrelling again. I'm too sure what happened though,because I missed the whole thing. But according to Mom,it was because the same reason as every other quarrelled that they had. Misunderstandings.
You know,I guess my family quarrel over the stupid and slightest things. Especially me.

The Mud Won't Come Off

"I hate those days when I feel so fragile and frail. Those days when I feel afraid that when someone barely touches me,I'll shatter like porcelain dolls into thousands of pieces."

My phone went missing for a long half an hour this afternoon. Like always,whenever I lost something,I panicked,I was restless. The voice inside my head kept on reminding me, "Your parents are gonna have a fit when you tell them about your missing phone!" Seriously,I wished I could have told off my brain. I just wanted it to shut up. Since I was too paranoid,I tried my very best not too lose my cool and searched my phone quietly and carefully so as to avoid any embarrassing accidents that MAY occur in front of the students who were in that area.
Thank god,I managed to get it back. Thanks to the those two honest junior boys who returned it to the school office.

We played rugby for P.E class today. I hate muddy fields. To be honest,Mom doesn't let me play. (She told me not to) She forbids from playing any sports that has to do with ball passing. But unlike frisbee,(which I hesitate on whether to play or not) today I decided to take part in the game.
Reason is because I didn't want to be left out,I wanted to play like the rest of the class and fit in. Even if they seldom pass the ball to me,even if I still wasn't wanted in any team it's fine by me. I'd still play.

Remember in my previous post,I wrote about those people who often say they care so much about me but when at my time in need they'll flee?
Well,I can officially say that my teacher is one of those people.

Stupid Girl

It Friday night and thank god I'm still alive and breathing. I'm done being upset but I'm starting to feel disappointed and mad at myself.

Why?

Because I'm so irresponsible,so careless and oblivious.

I had gotten an award for being the top student for some particular subject but I had no fucking idea about it,until one of my teachers questioned me(AFTER THE AWARD CEREMONY TODAY!) as to why I didn't went up on stage to receive the certificate from the principal.
Days before this whole ceremony took place,the teacher-in-charge of this event made it clear to us that "those who top their class,those who were top for a particular subject" were to check the list that was pasted outside the teacher's staffroom if their names were there.

The thing is,I didn't expect to win this award. I honestly didn't. Because I knew that last year my test results were terrible. So having to think that I didn't check if my name was on there.
So when all the award winners were coming on stage one after another,I was sitting in the crowd,all blur and not knowing that I was suppose to be up there getting my prize.

And when the whole event had ended,then,people started coming up to me,telling me, "Hey why didn't you go up there?" "Why didn't you collect your prize?"
WTF? Why didn't you people tell me?! I was informed my anyone that I won anything.

But I wouldn't put the blame on anyone this time because it was clearly MY FAULT for not checking the list. Now,I don't have the chance the come up on stage AND I have to wait till next week to get that prize.

See how careless and stupid this sounds? I'm even oblivious about my own achievements,talents and shit. This is probably the main reason why I'm invisible to almost everyone. They don't recognise me for something good,they can't. How can they,when I don't? And I'm ME,MYSELF!
I'm not even sure whether i deserve this talent and stuffs. I don't even have the right attitude to fit to them.
Ah,fuck!

Stormy Feeling

Um hi. I actually feeling upset today,sort of. But I decided not to make this post sound depressing.So I posted a cute picture to lift up the mood a bit^^ (Yay for Winnie the Pooh!!)

This week has been good. I passed my Chemistry test and I failed Social Studies. I think that's pretty fair and balanced. I carried out my usual routines. School-Home-Eat-Sleep. And I'm still disorganise as ever. I still have not started revising for most of my subjects and the exams starts next two weeks!

*****

The whether has been really terrible the past few days with the blazing sun and outstanding heat.

But,thank god it rained today. Heavy rain with screaming thunder and terrifying lighting. I like it alot. It makes me feels good and not alone.

Its nighttime now and the rain has already stop now. I wish it didn't though,I wanted to sleep and hear the raindrops hit our panes,and let the cold,stormy night whether put me to sleep.

*****

I had a quarrelled with Mom again. Second time this month. She keeps on comparing me with other kids,saying things like, "Look at her she's doing this...unlike you... why can't you be more like that?"

I got upset. Really upset. I think maybe its because,all my short life,I've had people comparing me with someone else. Someone who looks better. Someone who's so much better at everything I wasn't. And to have your parents comparing you with someone else just makes you feel a little more hurtful.

******

I think I'll stop here.

I'm exhausted.

I think I need sleep.

I have to go through 11 hours of school tomorrow

and I don't wish to die.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Inner-self

Its been awhile since I told you what I am doing and how am I.

Well,I can honestly say that I've been doing just fine and I had a good,lazy weekend at my cousin's place. Mom,Dad and I are currently living here. And that's because there are contractors doing some renovating at my home and it'd only be done next month.
It was Dad's idea. The house renovating. I was kind of surprise when he decided to give our home a makeover.

We live in a four-room flat. Dad,Mom and I. And I think that's enough to fit the three of us.

It was originally bought by my Grandparents (my Mom's parents),then now,after a few years,they moved in with one of my uncles,so they passed it on to my Mom,and moved in with Dad right after they got married. So the house has a long history of my Mom's family.

I never really complain about our home before. I've never found anything wrong with it.
I find it to be the most comfortable place on the planet!
So while the our home is having its special makeover,my parents and I are staying at my uncle's place. They were nice enough to let us stay,they even provide a room for us.
And its quite comfortable staying here actually,(even though I'm sharing a room with my parents)
Going to school isn't an that much of a problem and I have even have company now. I get to bond with my cousins and aunt now.
But I have to admit,I miss home and my room,I just can't wait to go home and fall asleep on my own bed again.

This week is has been quite disappointing actually. It all started when I received back my English letter-writing test paper. I was feeling really confident about getting the highest score,because I've always done well for English tests. But when the teacher didn't call out my name,you can imagine how disappointed and silly I felt. I still got an A for the test,but I wasn't the highest scorer this time round.
But I tried not to feel so upset about it. There's another test coming up this May,and I'll make sure I'd ace that one be above everyone. (I sound kinda desperate right now)

Today,its Sunday. I usually feel really moody on Sundays because tomorrow's Monday and there school,but I'm not. And its basically because there's no school for me tomorrow! So I've been spending 5 hrs on the computer,going on various music sites,hoping to find some new good songs. I've gotten quite a few so far,and most of them are mostly country music. Oh,and also,I went on Facebook today and after for like so many months not clicking the "Application" button,I finally tried out a few quizzes.

I often try not to believe the final results I get,but there was one result that sounded so true.

Here's the result:

INNER-SELF

Moonlike Person
You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are not happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to not burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has been dealt blows before . You tend to think about things a lot more than other people, and you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about consequences. You are also the type of person that others often come to with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely, your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed. You usually are logical, and rely a lot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases.

This is me. Almost. I hide my emotions sometimes because I'm afraid to them. I'm afraid of what people might think.

Lizards Spy on You

Compared to yesterday and the day before that,today was alot better. Thankfully,things got better rather quickly.

I was woken up after I caught a glimpse of this super creepy looking lizard to me, looked like it was sticking on the wall near my bed this morning. I just literally screamed after seeing how big and disgusting it was. So thanks to that nasty thing I was wide awake today.
Then after school I decided to pay a visit to the library and I borrowed this book call
"Teen Girls" . Its like one of those self-help,information books. I love reading those type. I'm always curious about stuff. And its also probably because I love reading all the different tips and guidelines that they come with.
But too bad for me,I don't always follow them. I just read for the sake of reading.

I received a bad news today. One of my teacher was admitted to the hospital. They found out he has diabetes and had just gave him a surgery. He taught my class History last year,and frankly I can tell you that he's one of the best teachers I've ever had. I don't think he deserves this.
And,I'm scared for him. He's already in his sixties and perhaps going to retire soon,and suddenly this unfortunate event happens. Its just sad. My prayers goes out to him.

And talking about health care right now, I'm going for my medical check-up tomorrow. Which means no school for me tomorrow! But at the same time,I'm worried how my medical result will turn out. I just hope everything will be okay in the end.

*Fingers crossed*

I Pity You Really,but Seeing You Suffering Over There is Just too Hilarious not to Laugh

Its Friday! Like finally. I've been really busy with school and shit. I just realised that I've got a few writing mistakes in my previous post. I apologised. I posted it at night and was in a hurry,because my parents were forcing me to sleep. (How embrassing,I'm fifteen and I still have a bedtime!!)

Wednesday,4March 2010.

Wednesday was probably the most interesting day of this week in my opinion. I loved this week's Wednesday. There was a mini drama in class. A fight went on. I like when these things happened it,waste our lesson time and it just seemed so interesting somehow. I wish things like these would happened alot more often.

There's this guy in our class. He's a foreigner. He's really good in almost all of this subjects,except for English. He insists on sitting alone. The problem about him is that,he cannot adapt himself to the class,and to the school. Another thing is,he has this "thing" about people touching. He doesn't want anyone to touch him,whenever someone does, he'll flinched and brush off that particular spot,as if there were germs left on that spot.

Because of his behaviour,and seeing the way he reacts to certain things,my class of 34 students loves to disturb him. Everyone enjoys seeing him getting picked on by certain people in our class.
And on Wednesday,he flared up and got into a fight with one my classmate,Marvin,during Chemistry. It was because of stupid chair. I won't mention who started it first,'cause then it'll be unfair to both of them. I blame the chair honestly.
Chemistry teacher managed to stop it on time before things got overboard of course.

But during that 5 minutes of provoking and fighting,everyone was enjoying the scene. Including me. I just sat,watched and laughed along with the whole class. I knew it was wrong,but I continued to laughed,it was as though I was watching some kind of epic comedy-drama on TV.
And I went I got home and reflect on what had happened on that day,I thought that I loved and enjoyed seeing other people's suffering. It was funny,it was entertaining. I didn't even know why I liked it. If I were to put myself in his shoes,I'd know how awful and terrible that experience was. But the thing is,I'm not,I'm watching my classmates making stupid jokes and trying to annoy him,and I treat it as entertainment and think its funny. I guess I'm mean person.

You're Too Pretty,I'm Jealous. So What? I Can't Help It,I'm Only Human + I'm So Messed Up

Iwanttobeflawless.Iwanttobeflawless.Iwanttobeflawless.Iwanttobeflawess.Iwanttoflawless.
"True beauty comes from within" I know that. I think everyone knows that. But then,everyone forgets and just don't give a damn.

I saw this girl yesterday one the train. About my age,maybe a year older? She was pretty. She had straight hair,I couldn't really tell if it was natural or not. But whatever. She was really pretty,and the way she carrys her bag,the way she holds her purse in hand,was so perfect. She seemed so together. I looked at her every now and then asking myself "How does she do it?". She saw me looking. It was so awkward.

I hate those whispers in hallways. The one that goes "Which one of them do you think is prettier?" "You know,I think she's prettier than her" "Duh,she's prettier,the other one is ugly." I hate these stupid questions. I admit,I was the type that often ask things. I'm so over it . It just sounds stupid. I can't believe people have all the time in the world to compare. Now,I realise you're just trying to bring the other person down by saying these stuffs. Trust me,I was a victim once. And the feeling that you get when you hear those comments are far too hurtful than you can even imagine.

I'm One of the Boys who Loves Strawberries

I manged to complete the 2.4km run today in P.E and I passed both my Chemistry and Social Studies test. I feel a sense of achievement today. It feels great. I wish it was like this everyday.

I got tease alot during P.E today,because unlike all the other students,I wore track pants instead of the normal school shorts. They kept questioning me;

"Why are you wearing long pants?"
"Oh my god,you're one of the boys?!"

It was so annoying,and I got so fed-up with it. So since people were saying it,from now on,when I'm wearing long pants for P.E,consider me as one of the boys.(;

I think the school needs to reorganised our class timetable again,because right after P.E was 2 periods of History. Teachers talk too much during history class. They talk too much that their explanation doesn't make sense. and they seem oblivious to the fact that most of students in class were perspiring and breathless. Or they just pretended not to notice. Well,I pretended that Mr History wasn't there and slept. He didn't even cared. We were suppose to take down notes,but I did not. Because,
a) I was lazy to do so.
&
b) Notes weren't any help to me at all. I write them down only for the sake of writing them down. Then I never refer to them again. And it'll be found only after a decade inside my bag. Torn and dirty. Ugh!

Only three more days till the weekend. Stay strong until then!

*******
Mom and I are talking again. I think almost everything is back to how they were before. I can see that she's trying really hard not to yell at me again. I appreciate that. I'm doing the same too,I'm trying not to mess up. She prepared a bowl of strawberries for me awhile ago. I already finished them all.

I love anything that has to do with strawberries <3

You're Beautiful,Do Me a Favour,Stop Saying Mean Things

I had a good day today. But I can't help but wonder about this ^^

I just don't understand this 'group' of people. Do you?

I guess they're just so beautiFULL (of themselves)

****

I just discovered that I had a rather large bruise on my leg this morning. Its not really a big deal 'cause its not really that obvious. Its always been like that since I was little. In fact,it was worse back then. Whenever I knocked onto something,a bruise never fails to appear the next day. I think this one came because I knocked onto a wall the other day while 'cause I frantically rushing to school. It hit hard.

I failed to hide this from Mom,she saw it,and now, she keeps reminding me to eat some,fruits,eat some vegetables,all those good stuff. I don't really have a problem with that,but I'm quite choosy when it comes to all this nutrients and stuffs.

Now,I can't decide which is so much more disgusting,the usual bruise on my leg on the bruise in my heart that comes and go every now and then.

****

I have a chemistry test tomorrow. Too bad chemistry and I aren't really the best of friends.