Fuck You,Fuck You Very,Very Much

I took a bite from my sandwich as I continue observing my schoolmates in the cafeteria,canteen(whatever you wish to call it). It was break time. I was people watching again. I felt like I was on a mission,a mission trying to figure everyone out. I tried not to judge. I tried not to assume what I was seeing. I just watch. My mind was like a whirlwind,I was thinking through things. I was sitting by myself. Alone.


Then,my eyes caught sight of something,or rather someone. Someone so good-looking. I see a boy. He wapproaches his friends. He swipes away long cords black hair spilling in front of his eyes,the he sort of ruffles it. I recognize him,I recognise his smile. That gorgeous smile,those beautiful eyes,his ever so flawass moves. I had a crush on him. 'Crush',was that the correct word?

But why was I staring? I didn't want to stare. But my eyes were stubborn,they refuse to look elsewhere. It was focus on him only.


I'm over him. I really am. I promise myself that I won't fall for his trap again.

I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm him over.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.
I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.
I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.


I keep telling myself that. But it's not working,its not helping me at all. The force that attracted me to him was so much greater that I though it will have been.


I was still staring at him. He had already sat down with his friends. By now,the voices in the cafeteria were just noises. I tune them out. My attention was on him now. Only him.

I can't deny it,when I'm staring him down right dead in the eye,I wanna try to be the person he wants,the person he needs. I want him. All of him. I can't fight back this urge. Its overcoming me. I wanna run down my fingers through his hair,his soft hair. I wanna hold him so tight and not let go.


Then I heard an angry voice inside my head was it me reminding myself again? Whatever it was,it was telling me to stop,telling me to hoping for things that won't ever happen.


"STOP,STOP IT!. You're fooling yourself,you know damn well he doesn't want you. He doesn't give a fuck about you no more. I mean,look at yourself,you're no one,you're so..so..awful! He deserves someone so much better than you. Now,move on. Trust me,its for your own good."


The voice inside my head was right. My eyes obeyed me this time. I snapped out it. I got up and went back to class.


I didn't look back. I was too much a coward to look back. Besides,even if I did,I knew I was going to cry.


"Even when you're across the room,even when I see you right there,a couple of feet away from me,I miss you. I miss you aren't looking at me and when you're attention is somewhere else. I fucking miss you."