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Saturday, June 5, 2010

January to December

I saw him today. I really believed I was strong enough to not feel any of the pain I've buried so deeply inside of me. But as soon as I saw as little as those familiar waves and bleached white sneakers, everything I had tried so desperately to hide was suddenly exposed. So exposed you could see it on my face, and through the way how my legs trembled when I was sitting on the yellow bench as I started to feel all anxious and nervous. I wanted to hide my face but I simultaneously wanted you to see it. I wanted you to see how long my hair had grown, and how much more womanly I had become in as little as a year. I wanted to show you how your presence didn't phase me. I knew it was a lie, but I pretended anyway. I pretended I was happy as I talked and giggled along with my friends. In those few seconds, everything changed. I felt that familiar ache that I've felt for so long. That ache you made. That ache I've managed to hide for a year until today. When I saw your waves above the crowd, and your white sneakers below.

-Kaitlynn Lucas

This wonderful piece relates to me so much that I just had to post it.

This guy,I guess I cared too much about him that I let all these scary emotions take control of me. But that's just how I am and I can't help it. I care too much about people and too little about myself. I ache.


  1. I know that ache well....when you think you are 'over' him, then he turns up and BAM you are right back to square're definitely not alone in letting those emotions take control, sometimes we just can't control them.

  2. i am the same. through and through.

  3. i know that feeling... and even if you try to forget about it, it appears again and again...

    but you have to love yourself too, not only the rest of the people, you gotta be strong ;)


  4. I know this all too well..

  5. I'm the same way. Caring to much and ending up getting hurt.


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