January to December

I saw him today. I really believed I was strong enough to not feel any of the pain I've buried so deeply inside of me. But as soon as I saw as little as those familiar waves and bleached white sneakers, everything I had tried so desperately to hide was suddenly exposed. So exposed you could see it on my face, and through the way how my legs trembled when I was sitting on the yellow bench as I started to feel all anxious and nervous. I wanted to hide my face but I simultaneously wanted you to see it. I wanted you to see how long my hair had grown, and how much more womanly I had become in as little as a year. I wanted to show you how your presence didn't phase me. I knew it was a lie, but I pretended anyway. I pretended I was happy as I talked and giggled along with my friends. In those few seconds, everything changed. I felt that familiar ache that I've felt for so long. That ache you made. That ache I've managed to hide for a year until today. When I saw your waves above the crowd, and your white sneakers below.

-Kaitlynn Lucas

This wonderful piece relates to me so much that I just had to post it.

This guy,I guess I cared too much about him that I let all these scary emotions take control of me. But that's just how I am and I can't help it. I care too much about people and too little about myself. I ache.