Twitter @ImNabeelah

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Intimacy

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and
soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with ...this story...

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend
and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a
real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.

By: Joey Gabinete Acebron

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Disgusting

And I feel the world peeling of my skin.
The burning sensation running down my spine.
It hurts.
But I hold back the cold tears.
I don't wish to cry.
No.No.No.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Misunderstandings are Ugly

Today,I ate,I decided too. I figured that there was no point not eating,I've already had less sleep. I was only going to feel more upset than I actually was. I guess,I''ll have to find another way to be lovely.

***

My exams starts tomorrow.
English on Wednesday
Physics & Social Studies on Thursday
Math on Friday
and some other papers next week.
I managed to push away my laziness aside and took the time to study
in the library,during the last two weeks and so.
I can't stop worrying about the tests as long as its not over. I've already predict that I'm gonna flunk my Math. I think so. Because,honestly,I'm not so sure about some of the Math stuff yet.
Well,fail that or not,let's just hope I don't fail more than one subject.

*Fingers crossed*

***

Oh,frisbee during P.E class today was really fun,surprisingly! I laugh out loud so much,and it felt so good! :D
I can't remember when was the last time I felt so happy giggly like that.

***

There's drama going on in my family again. Grandma and Aunt are quarrelling again. I'm too sure what happened though,because I missed the whole thing. But according to Mom,it was because the same reason as every other quarrelled that they had. Misunderstandings.
You know,I guess my family quarrel over the stupid and slightest things. Especially me.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Its Because I Want to be Lovely


stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating stop eating
-dead-

(Sweethearts,I hope you all are doing much better than me.

Have a beautiful week ahead. lovelovelove.)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

"May I borrow that?"

I have always been the person that people loves to borrow things from. Pen,pencil,ruler,eraser whatever else they needed,I was their supplier. I don't why I couldn't reply people with a "no".
I guess,I was too nice and too afraid to say so. So people had the habit of borrowing things from me. It was really bad,I lost quite a no. of things because some people are unappreciative and never return the stuffs back. I soon realised that people were taking advantage of me.

Then there was this one time during ART class. This boy came to me to my table and just took away my sharpener. He placed it back on the table after he was done using it. He never asked or spoke anything to me. I held my sharpener firmly in my hands.

"He's going to come back for it" I thought.

And my guess was right. He did.

This time,seeing that the sharpener was in my hands,he asked if he could borrow it.
I looked at him,I don't know what had came over me,but it was probably out of fury and frustration and I said,

"Shouldn't you at least say "thank you"? You've never said that to me before after all the things that I gave and lended you."

For a minute there,I swore he looked surprised, because I never had the courage to say things like that.

But after a minute,he simply replied,

"Why would I want/should say "thank you" to YOU?"

My heart sank just a little bit after hearing those words from him.
And the sharpener? I still lended it to him despite what he said.
I think I need to stop being too nice.

Another Award!


I was tag by AliceInWonderland! Thank you! I love the award,looks so cute ^^Now,I have to answer the questions that are attached to it..

1.If you were a Disney cartoon character, who would you be?
Evil Witch from Snow White OR Donald Duck. Haha,I know,so random.
2.Sweet or Savoury?
Sweet.
3.If you could spend an evening with anyone, fact/fiction, living or dead, who would you choose?
You,anyone who's reading this :)
4.Plane, Train or Automobile?
Plane.
5.Picnic or Cinema?
Picnic. Cinemas are expensive :/
6.Cat or Dog?
Cat.
7.Book or D.V.D?
Book!
8.Long hair or short hair?
I don't know,I like long hair,but short hair is so much easier to handle.
9.Favourite T.V. Show?
C.S.I Miami!
First Band or Artist that you followed?
Avril Lavigne.

Similar to the tag that Just a little bit of French tagged me,I have to come up with my own set of questions.

1.What's the biggest misconception about you?
2. Black or Blue?
3. The Simpsons or Spongebob?
4. Your dream?
5. What's the movie you last cried to?
6. Descibe your day in one word.
7. Which place would you like to visit?
8. Which Mr Men/Little Miss best descibe you?

I pass this on to:
Cara
S and Q
Its simple love

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What He Said!







Homer Simpson makes the best quotes. Yay Homer! :B

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Mud Won't Come Off

"I hate those days when I feel so fragile and frail. Those days when I feel afraid that when someone barely touches me,I'll shatter like porcelain dolls into thousands of pieces."

My phone went missing for a long half an hour this afternoon. Like always,whenever I lost something,I panicked,I was restless. The voice inside my head kept on reminding me, "Your parents are gonna have a fit when you tell them about your missing phone!" Seriously,I wished I could have told off my brain. I just wanted it to shut up. Since I was too paranoid,I tried my very best not too lose my cool and searched my phone quietly and carefully so as to avoid any embarrassing accidents that MAY occur in front of the students who were in that area.
Thank god,I managed to get it back. Thanks to the those two honest junior boys who returned it to the school office.

We played rugby for P.E class today. I hate muddy fields. To be honest,Mom doesn't let me play. (She told me not to) She forbids from playing any sports that has to do with ball passing. But unlike frisbee,(which I hesitate on whether to play or not) today I decided to take part in the game.
Reason is because I didn't want to be left out,I wanted to play like the rest of the class and fit in. Even if they seldom pass the ball to me,even if I still wasn't wanted in any team it's fine by me. I'd still play.

Remember in my previous post,I wrote about those people who often say they care so much about me but when at my time in need they'll flee?
Well,I can officially say that my teacher is one of those people.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Tiny Billion Little Feathers

Dear Beautiful,

I am sorry I'm boring. Even boring myself. I'm too shy,too quiet,so much quieter than any mouse. I am incapable of speech,incapable of making up a good comeback whenever you talk to me. My poor aching mind doesn't work like that. It doesn't work in a flash. Maybe its because I do to much thinking that I over think somethings too much. Somethings things that are quite unnecessary,that wouldn't really matter to anyone but just me. But that's okay,I guess curiosity is a powerful thing.

My heart sighed. The sigh of radiated from the hole in my chest,from a place that had never seen light,from a place that had taken all joy and given me only loneliness with the very water I drink,the very air I breathe. I feel empty,parts of me are missing. I'm not invincible,no where near that.

I am surrounded by people who say they're my friends,my family,they'll be there for me. But their actions towards me brings such great disappointment when they ditched me before in my time of need,and if they can do something like that once,I have no doubt they can do it again. Now trust isn't an option.

"Save me,save me!" I desperately cried. But I still see no hand,no heart,no help.
Helpless.Helpless.Helpless.

So for now,with each passing day,I'd write my heart out A heart that's carrying all these extraordinary emotions,restlessly waiting for the right time to burst everything out,one at a time,bit my bit.. I'd write for my own being,my own hurtful,cold soul and for everyone else who cares to read and who's gone through similar phases,captures everyone imaginations.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

"Hi.Um. I know I'm random,but I gave you an award. Because I think you're awesome like that."


Thanks to Misery who gave me this prestigious award,Yay!:D

Here are the procedures;

1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER! (Done that ^^)
2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:
(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.
(c) Write a "Soundtrack of your childhood" post.
(d) Make your next blog a 'vlog'/video blog. Basically, you're talking to the camera about whatever.
(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, make up, etc)
and post it.
3. Pass the award on to at least three, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don't forget to
tell them.

The "Sountrack of my Childhood"

1. Avril Lavigne "Don't Tell Me"
This is actually the first song that I ever heard on MTV. Avril Lavigne was the one who got me into music.I wanted to be like her so much back then. Heh.
2. The Corrs "Summer Sunshine" I used to love this song so much,and them of course.I think the reason I love them so much was because of the slow,jazzy and heartfelt related lyrics that they sang and it was also because I wasn't too familiar with country music back then.
3. Busted "Who's David" They were the first boy band that I actually enjoyed listening to
4. Black Eyed Peas "Don't Lie" Ha,this song was just too catchy not to be listed
5. Vanessa Carlton "White Houses" When I saw her playing the piano in the music video,I asked my Mom whether I could attend piano lessons but she didn't really support the idea. Which means,I'm still blur with the piano keys.

I think that's about it,I know there only a few but when I was little,well not so,about 10-12 years old,those where the only songs that I listened to. I wasn't really exposed to the whole music thing.

I pass this award to;
Petty Writer
Just a little bit of French
Kakes
Francesca
Michelle
Emm.
Random Rawr
Seli
Tywo
Abby
Brooklyn
Disaster Girl
Petal
Helen
Christejolu
Jen
Kimberly Franklin
Frangipani Princess
SmileyFreak
and to all the other people who ever commented and follow me.

***
let's try our best to burn this filth.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Stupid Girl

It Friday night and thank god I'm still alive and breathing. I'm done being upset but I'm starting to feel disappointed and mad at myself.

Why?

Because I'm so irresponsible,so careless and oblivious.

I had gotten an award for being the top student for some particular subject but I had no fucking idea about it,until one of my teachers questioned me(AFTER THE AWARD CEREMONY TODAY!) as to why I didn't went up on stage to receive the certificate from the principal.
Days before this whole ceremony took place,the teacher-in-charge of this event made it clear to us that "those who top their class,those who were top for a particular subject" were to check the list that was pasted outside the teacher's staffroom if their names were there.

The thing is,I didn't expect to win this award. I honestly didn't. Because I knew that last year my test results were terrible. So having to think that I didn't check if my name was on there.
So when all the award winners were coming on stage one after another,I was sitting in the crowd,all blur and not knowing that I was suppose to be up there getting my prize.

And when the whole event had ended,then,people started coming up to me,telling me, "Hey why didn't you go up there?" "Why didn't you collect your prize?"
WTF? Why didn't you people tell me?! I was informed my anyone that I won anything.

But I wouldn't put the blame on anyone this time because it was clearly MY FAULT for not checking the list. Now,I don't have the chance the come up on stage AND I have to wait till next week to get that prize.

See how careless and stupid this sounds? I'm even oblivious about my own achievements,talents and shit. This is probably the main reason why I'm invisible to almost everyone. They don't recognise me for something good,they can't. How can they,when I don't? And I'm ME,MYSELF!
I'm not even sure whether i deserve this talent and stuffs. I don't even have the right attitude to fit to them.
Ah,fuck!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Stormy Feeling


Um hi. I actually feeling upset today,sort of. But I decided not to make this post sound depressing.So I posted a cute picture to lift up the mood a bit^^ (Yay for Winnie the Pooh!!)
This week has been good. I passed my Chemistry test and I failed Social Studies. I think that's pretty fair and balanced. I carried out my usual routines. School-Home-Eat-Sleep. And I'm still disorganise as ever. I still have not started revising for most of my subjects and the exams starts next two weeks!
*****
The whether has been really terrible the past few days with the blazing sun and outstanding heat.
But,thank god it rained today. Heavy rain with screaming thunder and terrifying lighting. I like it alot. It makes me feels good and not alone.
Its nighttime now and the rain has already stop now. I wish it didn't though,I wanted to sleep and hear the raindrops hit our panes,and let the cold,stormy night whether put me to sleep.
*****
I had a quarrelled with Mom again. Second time this month. She keeps on comparing me with other kids,saying things like, "Look at her she's doing this...unlike you... why can't you be more like that?"
I got upset. Really upset. I think maybe its because,all my short life,I've had people comparing me with someone else. Someone who looks better. Someone who's so much better at everything I wasn't. And to have your parents comparing you with someone else just makes you feel a little more hurtful.
******
I think I'll stop here.
I'm exhausted.
I think I need sleep.
I have to go through 11 hours of school tomorrow
and I don't wish to die.
Happy Thursday everyone!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Tommy Wears a Mask over his Real Face when he Rapes Kitty

A mask is a false face.

"When will you take that off?"
"Never."
"Why?"
"Because underneath it is ugly,I'm ugly,
and nobody likes ugly things."

Nobody really ever knows how much anybody else is hurting.
We could be standing next to someone who is completely broken, and we wouldn't even know.

Question: Do you put on a false face?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Inner-self

Its been awhile since I told you what I am doing and how am I.

Well,I can honestly say that I've been doing just fine and I had a good,lazy weekend at my cousin's place. Mom,Dad and I are currently living here. And that's because there are contractors doing some renovating at my home and it'd only be done next month.
It was Dad's idea. The house renovating. I was kind of surprise when he decided to give our home a makeover.
We live in a four-room flat. Dad,Mom and I. And I think that's enough to fit the three of us.
It was originally bought by my Grandparents (my Mom's parents),then now,after a few years,they moved in with one of my uncles,so they passed it on to my Mom,and moved in with Dad right after they got married. So the house has a long history of my Mom's family.
I never really complain about our home before. I've never found anything wrong with it.
I find it to be the most comfortable place on the planet!
So while the our home is having its special makeover,my parents and I are staying at my uncle's place. They were nice enough to let us stay,they even provide a room for us.
And its quite comfortable staying here actually,(even though I'm sharing a room with my parents)
Going to school isn't an that much of a problem and I have even have company now. I get to bond with my cousins and aunt now.
But I have to admit,I miss home and my room,I just can't wait to go home and fall asleep on my own bed again.

This week is has been quite disappointing actually. It all started when I received back my English letter-writing test paper. I was feeling really confident about getting the highest score,because I've always done well for English tests. But when the teacher didn't call out my name,you can imagine how disappointed and silly I felt. I still got an A for the test,but I wasn't the highest scorer this time round.
But I tried not to feel so upset about it. There's another test coming up this May,and I'll make sure I'd ace that one be above everyone. (I sound kinda desperate right now)

Today,its Sunday. I usually feel really moody on Sundays because tomorrow's Monday and there school,but I'm not. And its basically because there's no school for me tomorrow! So I've been spending 5 hrs on the computer,going on various music sites,hoping to find some new good songs. I've gotten quite a few so far,and most of them are mostly country music. Oh,and also,I went on Facebook today and after for like so many months not clicking the "Application" button,I finally tried out a few quizzes.

I often try not to believe the final results I get,but there was one result that sounded so true.

Here's the result:

INNER-SELF

Moonlike Person
You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are not happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to not burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has been dealt blows before . You tend to think about things a lot more than other people, and you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about consequences. You are also the type of person that others often come to with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely, your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed. You usually are logical, and rely a lot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases.

This is me. Almost. I hide my emotions sometimes because I'm afraid to them. I'm afraid of what people might think.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Open and Wde-eyed.

Its okay to cry you know. To just sit alone feeling sad and only having these dull,empty fours looking at you. Go ahead and cry your eyes out,cry till you you run of tears,till your feel like exploding into millions of broken pieces. Shattered.

But don't cry for too long. Because when you cry,you close your eyes. Don't,keep them close for too long. Things have become beautiful since you last looked at it. Life is beautiful. Its always has been.
You just have to look a little deeper into it. Okay?

Same Height as my Fridge


This an example of how we were doing in school this week. Looks really fun right? -_-

I had a Math test today and the question were on Algebra. I couldn't even solve the first question!

Bottom line;I am gonna fail.

*******************************************

Kylie from (justalittlebitoffrench.blogspot.com) had tagged me! Yay!!
Its been quite sometime I've done these sorta questions,so here goes;

What do you want right this minute?

-Get a haircut!
Are you taller than your fridge?

-Not really,same height I think.
Ever pranked called someone? What was the outcome?

-Kind of. Backfired! :\
Best gift you've ever been given?

-I can't remember, Probably those DIY necklaces.
Favourite TV character?

-Spongebob
Favourite quote?

- I have many faves.
Are your pajama pants as cool as mine? (mine have owls, bet that's hard to beat :P)

-Mine has skulls on them. So I guess that's a fair competition ;D
Last time you cried?

-2 months ago
Are you a sore loser?

-Uh..I don't really think so...
Facebook or Twitter?

-TWITTER!!!

Now I have to come up with a new set of questions and tag some other bloggers. If I tag you,you'll just need to answer mine and then make up your own questions.

-> What's the colour of the shirt you're wearing right now?
-> Fave brand?
-> Which celebrity would you want to be BFF with?
-> How would you react if one day you wake up and receive a letter from "The Minstry of Magic" informing that they want you in Hogwarts?
-> Fave dessert?
-> Which reality TV show would you want to be in?
-> Ice-cream or chocolates?
-> Have you ever want/wish to slide down a rainbow?
-> If you could travel back time,which time will you visit? (Ancient Greek,Middle Ages etc.)
-> Are you happy with life now?

I tag:
Tywo (http://pinkpurplefairy.blogspot.com/)
Helen (http://withinhersmile.blogspot.com/)
Misery (http://illagain.blogspot.com/)
Christejolu (http://christiejolu.blogspot.com/)
Leviana (http://levianacoccia.blogspot.com/)
If anyone else wants to do this,you are most welcome too!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

HAHA!!


Okay,I couldn't resist posting this.

Remember this scene from Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets,where they had to follow the little spiders so they could find out about Tom Riddle? LOL!! This part got me laughing :D

I love Ronald Weasely's character,really funny plus he's so cute in this.

Dancing Flame

I am still here,not yet missing. I am yearning for something. Something that is missing in me,suddenly this all feels like nothing but a dream.


My mind,body and soul is empty. But even though this empty,it still manages to ache. The aching is so cruel because its blinding the beauty of life.

Now,I am standing in the shadows,watching,looking at everything and everyone that comes to my sight. Its a wonder how they all seem so bloody happy,like nothing ever seem to go wrong in their lives. Maybe they're just much better at playing pretending than me.

Like a lost child desperately trying to find her mother,to find her way back home,I am frantically trying to find this voice,this love.


I can't hear it. Is it too soft? Is the background noise too loud? Or is he just saying it to someone else?

Whatever it may be,I still can't make it out. As he walks pass,my eyes glued to him,my entire body froze and then those memories comes back,they're blur but beautiful at the same time.

P.S. The only reason why I've never told this guy about how I feel towards him is because everything is far too complicated and dangerous.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Love You English Essays!

I don't really have anything to write about. Except that I've finally finish my essay homework(the only homework I love doing) I really hope that I'll get an A. I've put alot of effort and thought into it.

So since I don't have much to talk about here are some fashion pictures. I hardly post anything related to fashion,so here's some;
*I do not claim any of the pictures,credits to the owners.






















Friday, April 2, 2010

Happy Good Friday,Happy Start of April,Happy End of March & Happy Weekend!



I've been meaning to this post,but I'm always delaying it(Sorry about that!). But now I can finally post this,

I wanna thank the people who have given me awards and tagged me;
Abby
Tywo
Mai
Kylie
Kimberly Franklin


Thank you so much!!

And I wanna thank my followers(even to those who has never commented before),and those who have commented on any one of my post before. It really means alot to me knowing that there are people who actually take any interest into what I'm writing.
(Because I've always been the type that no one really cares about.)
And thanks to one of my friends from school,Foo Sin Yun,for being the only person from school that I know who reads my blog.

To all my followers and the blogs that I've linked at the sides,
I wish you were really in my life and that we live on the same street. Because I feel that I can connect with you so much more than those that are in my life right now. *HEARTS*
P.S. your blogs are all amazing!