Friday, July 30, 2010
I'm in a castle
standing in a tower,
looking down through a window
at the beautiful garden,
the sun setting in the distance.
The beauty in the moment
brings tears to my eyes.
Sky blue pink,
the backdrop for
roses in ever color
blooming in the garden.
— Lisa Schroeder (Chasing Brooklyn)
Its been about a week since I last updated. I am so sorry.
The reason I left my blog for a bit is because I had a really
busy week.My exams just started today. (English and Chemistry.)
So the pass couple of days I was busy with school work and such.
I got so caught up with school work that I didn't realise I was worrying again.
And it got so bad that i tired myself,my throat began to hurt,my body ached
and I fall ill the day before the first two papers (yesterday)
But thank god I felt better this morning.
The two papers today was alright and I hope for the very best that the result will turn out good
My exams only ends next Thursday so I'm going to leave this space for awhile.Till then.
I wish you all well. love.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
(writing to her father) “I have learnt how to live… How to be In the world and Of the world,
and not just to stand aside and watch. And I will never, never again run away from life.
Or from love, either…”
Other than the fact that my pens are always going missing
(i think the little elves and gnomes in the school garden took them!)and mom
being so overprotective of me,life is fine now.
And hopefully it'll get even better.
The exams are in one week's time and I have many things to cover on.
Anxious. That's the right word to describe how I'm feeling the pass few hectic days.
But that's normal for me I guess,I feel like this all the time and possibly,everyday of my life.
I can't wait for everything to be over,then I'll sleep forever till next season,and flyaway to dreamland.
I wish everyone a lovely day. May all of you gain the desires of you heart. love.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
"I will tell you what Jeanne was like. She was like a piano in a country where everyone has had their hands cut off."
— Angela Carter
Question: We have family and friends who loves and cares for us,but when stuff happens,
really serious stuff happens,you just feel so alone and you cannot tell people.
They'll probably listen,but they don't know everything. There's just some stuff that you can't share.
So what do you do then?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The weather looks nice today,and I thought how wonderful it'd be if we do a picnic or tea party.
Just thinking about it sounds comforting and relaxing. We'll invite close friends and the birds,bunnies and faeries.
We could sit on cool damp grass,have tea,read books,admire pretty nature and eat colourful berries.
We could watch the clouds and daydream all we want without no one to interrupt us
and we'd stay out till the evening and watch the sunset.
I think that'll be nice,we often dine at fine restaurants,bars and cafes,
why not do something different this time.
Friday, July 16, 2010
big brown eyes,she barely has spots on her face,flawless.
She's skinny and has all the right curves.
She could fit into anything her heart desires.
From shirts to skirts,dresses to shorts and tights and skinny jeans.
She's rich,she travels and can afford all those gorgeous clothes.
The ones you find in Topshop,Forever 21 and other designer stores.
She's that girl that everybody wants to be friends with.
She has almost everything. She's blessed.
but,every time I look at her, I can't help but feel horrible about myself. I feel disgusted with myself.
it's like there's a voice inside my head that's repeatedly saying,
"she's so pretty,so perfect.
and what about you?
oh that's right,
(Other than that issue,I'm doing quite alright)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Coach: All right, Patch. let's say you're at a party. the room is full of girls of all shapes and sizes. You see blondes, brunettes, redheads, a few girl with black hair. Some are talkative, while other appear shy. You've one girl who fits your profile - attractive, intelligent and vulnerable. Dow do you let her know you're interested?
Patch: Single her out. Talk to her.
Coach: Good. Now for the big question - how do you know if she's game or if she wants you to move on?
Patch: I study her. I figure out what she's thinking and feeling. She's not going to come right out and tell me, which is why i have to pay attention. Does she turn her body toward mine? Does she hold me eyes, then look away? Does she bite her lip and play with her hair, the way Nora is doing right now?
— Becca Fitzpatrick (Hush, Hush)
Maybe the first time you saw her you were ten. She was standing in the sun scratching her legs. Or tracing letters in the dirt with a stick. Her hair was being pulled. Or she was pulling someone’s hair. And a part of you was drawn to her, and a part of you resisted—wanting to ride off on your bicycle, kick a stone, remain uncomplicated. In the same breath you felt the strength of a man, and a self-pity that made you feel small and hurt. Part of you thought: Please don’t look at me. If you don’t, I can still turn away. And part of you thought: Look at me.
The History of Love, 2005
I know I'm posting this late,and I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before,but I want to thank Petty Writer,Christiejolu and Stella for the wonderful awards they had given me quite recently.
I don't really have anything much to talk about today. It just that my mind is so occupy on so many things. I so very worried about the exams that I'll be taking the next month,the end of the year,and the year after that,and the year after that year. I'm worried that I'm not studying enough,I'm not trying enough, I'm worried about how am I going to make it to college. I'm worried that I'll fail again. I worry about everything.
Friday, July 9, 2010
I went over to my window and opened it and packed a snowball with my bare hands. The snow was very good for packing. I didn’t throw it at anything, though. I started to throw it. At a car that was parked across the street. But I changed my mind. The car looked so nice and white. Then I started to throw it at a hydrant, but that looked too nice and white, too. Finally I didn’t throw it at anything. All I did was close the window and walk around the room with the snowball, packing it harder. A little while later, I still had it with me when I and Brossard and Ackley got on the bus. The bus driver opened the doors and made me throw it out. I told him I wasn’t going to chuck it at anybody, but he wouldn’t believe me. People never believe you.
The Catcher in the Rye, 1951
-J. D. Salinger
Its Friday night and I'm just sitting at home wasting precious time. My Friday nights are always like this. I know that somewhere across town,in a rich girl's house there's a party going on, which is held by my former classmates.It's not really a party,more of a class gathering. I was invited actually,but I felt that I didn't really want to go. Because,if I did go,I knew that I wouldn't be enjoying myself,even though I'd be surrounded by all the so-called "cool people'' (from what I heard,they're the only ones going). They aren't really bad people. Sometimes they're nice to me,sometimes they're not. It funny you know. We've been together as a class for two years,and still don't get along,and we act like strangers when we see one another. They see me;quiet and timid,I see them; loud and obnoxious. We're opposite.
And to be honest,I like my current 2010 class much better,even if some say they don't.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
In his highly acclaimed novel NEVER LET ME GO, Kazuo Ishiguro (THE REMAINS OF THE DAY) created a remarkable story of love, loss and hidden truths. In it he posed the fundamental question: What makes us human? Now director Mark Romanek (ONE HOUR PHOTO), writer Alex Garland and DNA Films bring Ishiguro's hauntingly poignant and emotional story to the screen. Kathy (Oscar® nominee Carey Mulligan, AN EDUCATION), Tommy (Andrew Garfield, BOY A, RED RIDING) and Ruth (Oscar® nominee Keira Knightley, PRIDE & PREJUDICE, ATONEMENT) live in a world and a time that feel familiar to us, but are not quite like anything we know. They spend their childhood at Hailsham, a seemingly idyllic English boarding school. When they leave the shelter of the school and the terrible truth of their fate is revealed to them, they must also confront the deep feelings of love, jealousy and betrayal that threaten to pull them apart.
I really want to watch this film. But unfortunately,its rated R which means I'm not allow to. I've not yet read the book though. I just happened to come across this when I was browsing videos on YouTube. But I heard the book is a really great read. I'll most definitely get it sooner or later.
I watched it for the first time and got really attracted to the story and I had this strong desire to watch it. I really like (literature) love stories like this,they've got the best lines,they alsways left me in deep wonder and thought about people and life.
I'm really sorry,but I couldn't refrain myself from posting these lines that caught my attention from this 2 min 29 secs trailer,there's something about them that I personally feel is really deep.
"....and now i spend most of my time not looking forwards but looking back on what happened..."
"there once was a boy who had ran off beyond boundary,they found him in the woods with his hands and feet cut off.
who told you this stories?
everybody knows them.
and how would you they're true.
you make up stories as horrible as that."
"i feel tommy really likes you as a friend,he just doesn't see you that way"
"we didn't have to look into your souls,we had to see if you had souls at all."
"i wish i could help you,you're poor creatures."
"maybe none of us really understand what we've live through or deal with till we had enough time"
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile.
And they’re saying, “We don’t know your name, mister, but you’re a very nice fella.”
Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments.
We’ve entered as strangers - soon we have friends.
And they come over… and they sit with us… and they drink with us… and they talk to us.
They tell about the big terrible things they’ve done and the big wonderful things they’ll do.
Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates.
All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar.
And then I introduce them to Harvey… and he’s bigger and grander than anything they offer me.
And when they leave, they leave impressed.
The same people seldom come back; but that’s envy, my dear.
There’s a little bit of envy in the best of us.
-Elwood P. Dowd
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Come closer now.
Only you can hear the houses sleeping in the streets in the slow deep salt and silent black, bandaged night. Only you can see, in the blinded bedrooms, the coms and petticoats over the chairs, the jugs and basins, the glasses of teeth, Thou Shalt Not on the wall, and the yellowing dickybird-watching pictures of the dead. Only you can hear and see, behind the eyes of the sleepers, the movements and countries and mazes and colours and dismays and rainbows and tunes and wishes and flight and fall and despairs and big seas of their dreams.
From where you are, you can hear their dreams.
I'm starting to save up money bit by bit each day now. I'd usually stop halfway when comes to saving up. But its different this time,I need it for my future plans. Mom's challenging me,she says I won't save up enough and that I won't keep my word in doing these things. I'm going to prove her wrong this time.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
without teary eyes, or a feeling similar to that of anticipation
of disappearing entirely
I used to say that it were better that I’d not speak
unless spoken to, but now I’m not so sure
today I thought I’d lost my voice
as I waited for you to pick up the phone
six rings and I hung up
you won’t call back
I watched the world wake up while everyone else slept
and the light bled through the fog, the color of chrysanthemums
all i wanted was to know that I could sleep again, tire again
because my heart’s been beating for so long and the sound
it’s beginning to define who I am quite simply
more related to a string of pearls, a porcelain key
than all the creeps and grows on earth
wild and tangled
awake and asleep, always singing with the passing of hours
I’d rather be put on mute.