Twitter @ImNabeelah

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Mango Birthday Cake

I couldn't believe it.
I couldn't believe those words came out from my mother's mouth.

I quarreled with my Mom last night. She wouldn't stop talking,she wouldn't stop nagging.. She went on and on all night. I got so fed-up,so I went against her. I had no friggin idea what she wants from me. I cried last night after hearing what she said to/about me. Now my left eye hurts and I just feeling like sleeping. My mom,I sometimes think that she regrets having me as her daugther. Does she? It seems like it. I'm only a burden. I'm not even sure if I ever made her proud of me.

And I know that if I talk this out to anyone,they'll give me the same respond.
"Your mother cares for you." Yes,I'm well aware of that. I think its me,I'm the one with the problem,the one at fault. Its always me.

She came into my room a few minutes after. I was sobbing,hugging a pillow to my face. I guess,I was expecting myself to suffocate.
"I'm sorry,I love you" she said. She's done this before. She'll scream,apologize,then scream again after a couple of weeks.
She tried to hug me. I backed away. "Don't,stay away!!" I said,still sobbing. She tried to hug again,but I refused. Her loving actions were too soon for me to accept,especially hearing after hearing what she said.
She gave up and left. I was pretty sure she was crying too.

I wasn't crying or overreacting because she yelled at me. I was crying because of the hurtful things she said. Worse,it was all coming from my mother.

Happy Birthday,Mom.

P.S. I saw the news headlines today. I hope everyone is doing okay.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Who's Prettier?

I met up with two of my friends. Both girls. We sit,talk and laugh out loud.

Then,they both asked me a sudden question. A simple question that was really hard to answer.

"Which one of us is prettier than the other?"

I stared at them,face blanked.

I really don't know the answer to that damn question.

I Miss You So Much It Hurts

I watched "Dear John" today with my darling cousin,Alisha. The movie was okay although there were some boring bits. I didn't cry while watching this,I just felt terribly upset for some reason.
In my opinion,this story isreally touching. Be it the book or the movie,I love the plot,the story content. I love the quotes,the letter writing and the relationship between the different characters,especially the one between John Tyree and his Dad. Those small,looking-at-one-another silent parts truly saddens me.
I wish people could fall in love that much,just like how it's shown in the movie. How its writen in the book. Its kinda upsetting to know that there aren't many people falling in love like that anymore.

"It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief . . . lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming."
— Nicholas Sparks (Dear John)

I'm trying my best to believe in this quote and I'm trying my best to get this inside my head.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Fuck You,Fuck You Very,Very Much

I took a bite from my sandwich as I continue observing my schoolmates in the cafeteria,canteen(whatever you wish to call it). It was break time. I was people watching again. I felt like I was on a mission,a mission trying to figure everyone out. I tried not to judge. I tried not to assume what I was seeing. I just watch. My mind was like a whirlwind,I was thinking through things. I was sitting by myself. Alone.

Then,my eyes caught sight of something,or rather someone. Someone so good-looking. I see a boy. He wapproaches his friends. He swipes away long cords black hair spilling in front of his eyes,the he sort of ruffles it. I recognize him,I recognise his smile. That gorgeous smile,those beautiful eyes,his ever so flawass moves. I had a crush on him. 'Crush',was that the correct word?

But why was I staring? I didn't want to stare. But my eyes were stubborn,they refuse to look elsewhere. It was focus on him only.

I'm over him. I really am. I promise myself that I won't fall for his trap again.

I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm him over.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.
I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.
I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.I'm over him.

I keep telling myself that. But it's not working,its not helping me at all. The force that attracted me to him was so much greater that I though it will have been.

I was still staring at him. He had already sat down with his friends. By now,the voices in the cafeteria were just noises. I tune them out. My attention was on him now. Only him.

I can't deny it,when I'm staring him down right dead in the eye,I wanna try to be the person he wants,the person he needs. I want him. All of him. I can't fight back this urge. Its overcoming me. I wanna run down my fingers through his hair,his soft hair. I wanna hold him so tight and not let go.

Then I heard an angry voice inside my head was it me reminding myself again? Whatever it was,it was telling me to stop,telling me to hoping for things that won't ever happen.

"STOP,STOP IT!. You're fooling yourself,you know damn well he doesn't want you. He doesn't give a fuck about you no more. I mean,look at yourself,you're no one,you're! He deserves someone so much better than you. Now,move on. Trust me,its for your own good."

The voice inside my head was right. My eyes obeyed me this time. I snapped out it. I got up and went back to class.

I didn't look back. I was too much a coward to look back. Besides,even if I did,I knew I was going to cry.

"Even when you're across the room,even when I see you right there,a couple of feet away from me,I miss you. I miss you aren't looking at me and when you're attention is somewhere else. I fucking miss you."

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

You're Beautiful,Do Me a Favour,Stop Saying Mean Things

I had a good day today. But I can't help but wonder about this ^^
I just don't understand this 'group' of people. Do you?

I guess they're just so beautiFULL (of themselves)
I just discovered that I had a rather large bruise on my leg this morning. Its not really a big deal 'cause its not really that obvious. Its always been like that since I was little. In fact,it was worse back then. Whenever I knocked onto something,a bruise never fails to appear the next day. I think this one came because I knocked onto a wall the other day while 'cause I frantically rushing to school. It hit hard.
I failed to hide this from Mom,she saw it,and now, she keeps reminding me to eat some,fruits,eat some vegetables,all those good stuff. I don't really have a problem with that,but I'm quite choosy when it comes to all this nutrients and stuffs.
Now,I can't decide which is so much more disgusting,the usual bruise on my leg on the bruise in my heart that comes and go every now and then.
I have a chemistry test tomorrow. Too bad chemistry and I aren't really the best of friends.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

You said, "I won't make it a million times" but hey, you made it every time

Its the start of a new week tomorrow and I guess most of us needs a little motivation to help us get started. Do you have a any good quotes?
I've decided that from now on,I'll go home straight after all my classes have ended. Because,I don't see any point at all for me to hang around in school for no relevant reason. Besides, I don't wait for anyone in particular neither does anyone waits for me,my after-class activity is only once a week and its much more peaceful at home than it is in school. So I thought I rather go home where I have things that could satisfy my needs.
I have quite a no. of follwers. I really wanna thankyouthankyouthankyou every single one of you. It really means alot. I owe you guys. :D

Dirt Is the New Black

Its already noon and I feeling like sleeping again. I've been feeling so sleepy these days,blame it on those late night computer playing...thing. Lately,I've been reading some of your blogs,and I have to say,the posts that usually caught my attention,is always the one about snow. I am so jealous,LOL! Singapore doesn't have snow,its sunny all the time,in fact,the whether right now is really warm. Mother nature is so unfair. If only Singapore had crossed the equator line.

There's something I hate about myself,and I really wish I could get rid of it easily. I totally lack of self-control. And this is considerably bad. Like I said, I don't really have control on my spending,and now,I don't have control on the food I consume daily either. I've been eating alot of chocolates,and I can't restrain myself from consuming at least one bar everyday. It annoys me that whenever I open the fridge,and then my eyes will drift to its sight. I'm currently addicted to 'Ferreo Rocher',I have a small box full of them in my fridge and half of it is almost gone,all eaten mostly by me. I need to stop eating too much now,and I need to make sure I have an equal proportion of everything.
And there's something I'm afraid of now. I'm afraid to look at my reading on the weighing scale.
I'd pretend I didn't see the reading.

I just had this conversation with my parents 30 secs ago;

Mom: Wash your school shoes now!
Me: *still on the computer* (my shoes aren't that dirty,its only been a week since I last washed it)
Mom: Missy,go wash it now,you have school tomorrow!
Me: *groans* Why do I have to them wash it so soon? You know,right now, dirt is the new black!

My parents are annoying and I am so lame.


Oh and since some of you asked,the first two sentences of my previous post were taken from a passage,while the rest of the story was written by me. That's my first time writing something,like that. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback. (:

Friday, February 19, 2010


As the sun rose above London,he kissed her on Albert Bridge. She was filled with an inexplicable burst of joy although it could have been the champagne.

That night,they lay in the darkness on her soft,warm bed. He let her hold him tightly as he whispered the sincere sweetest thing in her ear. She shivered a little and his whispers only made her clutched his arms tighter,but she was careful enough not to hurt him. As the night goes on,the only sound she could hear was the ticking of the minute hand on the wall clock. She turned her head to looked at him. He was sound asleep. He looked cute when he sleeps. She ran her fingers through that soft hair of his,then traced her fingers down,to his cheek,his nose,he filched a little and she giggled. She then continued tracing down his lips,he was flawless,he was perfect,she couldn't have asked for anything better.

As she continued to stared at his perfect,handsome, face,she suddenly felt tears forming in her eyes,she was about to cry. But there was something quite different,this wasn't the normal sad cry,nor was it those heart-breaking,tiresome cry that she often had alone,in the middle of the night. This was completely different,she was crying tears of joy. And thought that she liked it. Alot.

The next minute,she found herself safely wrapped in his arms. He had heard her soft sniffing and thought otherwise. She didn't said a word,afraid that it might break this wonderful embrace. She just smiled and returned his hug and quietly prayed in her heart,

"God,please don't let this night end too soon"

Too Many Lies

Finally,its Friday. I can let lose a little. School has been keeping me busy the past three days,and I'm really glad it didn't gave me any problems. But I can't help but feel worried about something. I don't know what or why. I think its just me. I have this tendency to get anxious about something that's nothing at all. It drives me crazy sometimes.

I bought a new purse without Mom's permission yesterday. I saw it the last time I went to that store,and from then on,I already had intended to get it. So I took out $4o from my piggy bank,and went to the store after school,to get it. I really like. It wasn't too expensive. Its this long rectangular purse,and it has like little pink flowers on it. I feel quite guilty not telling Mom about it. But if I did,she wouldn't have let me have it,even if I said I was using my money. She says I already have many purse that were still in good use. Which was true. This isn't the first time I lied to her,previously,I've bought things without her permission or her knowing,then when she finally realises it,I'd lie again and tell her that it was one of my friends who gave it to me as a random gift,and she believes it. I know,I can get far too carried away with money sometimes. But Mom kinda left me with no other choice. And I have no self-control.Now,I still ned to decide what I should do with all my other still good-in-use purse.


Remember the post that I wrote a couple of days ago,about my friend who was dating this two-timing douche?

We'll they've broken up. But the sad thing is it wasn't about him two-timing her.,she still doesn't know about that.

He broke up with her on Valentines Day,it was through text message.

He texted her saying that he still had feelings for his "ex-girlfriend" .(When the truth was,the "ex-girlfriend" was actually the girl he was still seeing)
So,my friend questioned him,why did he wanted to date her when he was still chasing after his "ex".
And here comes the sad part,I have this feeling that somehow its true.
He told her that it was out of pity. He dated her because he didn't want her to feel rejected,he felt so sorry for her.
After hearing that from him,she broke into tears.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I Was So Terrible

I'm crazily self conscious and I don't know how to deal with my feelings. No matter where I go I feel awkward and out of place,I keep trying to convince myself that if I looked better or weighed less that would change but deep down I don't think it will.And I have an irrational fear of actually talking about emotional problems. I keep everything locked up inside and it killed me,I nearly went fucking crazy.


(i did not send this,its from an anonymous)

This is me,before I started this blog. It was a really hard time for me. I didn't have anyone I could trust so I just kept my mouth shut about everything. I know,its disgusting and really freaky. But its true,I acted in front of everyone. And I have to admit,I'm quite impress with my acting skills,almost everyone believed me.They all thought I was okay. When the truth was,most of the time, I was not okay.

But now,I'm really glad I can just pour it all here. Darlings,thank you for all your lovely comments. It makes me smile,whenever I read them.
I won't be able to reply to everyone by today. But I will by tomorrow or Friday. Give me a little bit of time.

And school today was fine. I adore my bag much more now.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Get Myself Together

I can't believe its already Tuesday. Like,WTF?! School resumes tomorrow. I totally wasted my 4 school-free day,by doing somethings meaningless. I don't feel bad about it now,but I know I'll regret it sooner or later. What I'm worry about is my bag. I'm pretty nervous about bringing new obvious things to school,I can't help but feel paranoid,worrying about what other people might think when they look at it. I have to admit,it does look really weird on me. Anyhow,I have to get this over with. But,frankly,I think no one cares,I'm not noticeable anyways.
So I'll play these lines over and over again in my head;

I will not have a panic attack. I will not have a panic attack.
I will not have a panic attack. I will not have a panic attack.
I will not have a panic attack. I will not have a panic attack.
I will not have a panic attack. I will not have a panic attack.

Now,I'm gonna have to 3 more days of boring long hours of class.

"C'mon just three more days,you can do it!"

One thing that I'm really glad about, is that there isn't any P.E class or after-school activity for me. 'Cause,those things are only on Tuesdays,and since today,(Tuesday) there's no school,it'll only resume next week. Well,at least there's something to be happy about.

I think that's it,my bag,is all I'm worrying about. I hope people won't give a damn about it. I'm crossing my fingers.

Oh and I can't believe myself,I took a nap for like 2 hours this afternoon. And I had nightmare. I dreamt that this frightening lizard was scaring the hell outta me. It was so "UGH!" I screamed,and then Mom woke me up,she had this confused look on her face. And right away I knew what she was thinking.
Oh gawd,I'm already going crazy!

Monday, February 15, 2010

I'm Being Fair by Letting You Know This,

If you are going to fall in love with me, that it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

Sad Snow Man

They'll be dead soon. Meltinggg!

The Family Gathering

I made it through yesterday. I went for a family gathering and I slept through through event. I didn't help preparing the stuffs. To be honest,I don't really like this sorta family event. I haven't been to one in ages,and the only reason I went for this one, is because it was from one of my closest relatives. I didn't really talk much,I didn't really communicate much with my relatives. I had nothing to talk about really. So I just sat down quietly and ate. Then half way through,I went to Dad and asked,

"Dad,can we go home now?"

"No,the thing is not over yet."

I couldn't argue with that. So in order to kill time,I decide to sleep,while everyone was mingling with one another. I'm a heavy sleeper,so I woke up after 3 friggin hours. And I could have sworn,that I had a slight fever after I've woken up. I felt so crappy.

Most of the guests had already left,and I was like "Yeah,which means its my time to go home now!"
I thought the journey home was gonna be smooth for once,but Mom had to ruin it,by starting an argument with me. I was completely fed-up,so I put on my earplug and blast the song on my MP3 in my ears.
I didn't really do anything epic when I got home.

My baby nephew,he was there,and everyone
was fighting to hold him. LOL.

Its Monday,today,and for the first time since the holidays,I don't really mind. Because I have there's no school today (and tomorrow)
I've got no homework,no projects.
So how should I take advantage of this free time?
By studying?
No,absolutely not.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I Love You


Saturday, February 13, 2010

I Was Scared To Sleep

Who knows, perhaps after flirting with death too often, death attracts you.” Karl Lagerfeld, about Mr McQueen

When I was little I was afraid to die. But now,somehow,it doesn't seem so scary anymore.

Sometimes you can't help it y'know,you've had had a bunch of bad days,everything is just so fuck up,and you just secretly hope that you won't get to see the sun again next day. I hate this feeling,this thought.

"Gong Xi Fa Cai"

Its Chinese New Year Eve. I wanna wish everyone who's celebrating,a Happy Lunar New Year. And guess what, I've got no school till next Wednesday, 4 fucking holidays,yay! ;D

So-Called New Bag

I bought a new backpack for school,finally! But unfortunately,its not the bag that I actually wanted. I bought something different. Now that I've mentioned it, its really hard to get what you really want these days. I went out with my Mom and Dad one of those bug shopping malls in town, and we were rushing to get there,because the shops are closing in early as today is Chinese New Year Eve. So I took the bag,paid and left. Honestly,I a little hesitate at first because the price was rather high. But I didn't have any choice left,so I decided,why not? Its black by the way.

As usual,Mom wanted to get some groceries at the supermarket. I didn't support the idea,I never do. I hated going grocery shopping with Mom,because she takes ages in there. But I didn't wanted to be selfish and just followed. So while Mom and Dad were too busy with the kitchen stuff,I browse the shelves. I love browsing.

As I was looking around,I suddenly thought about my uncl. How my family and he's would always go out on weekends. It was really fun. Really.

In the past,the three of us (Mom,Dad and me) will often go out with my uncle and his family. So altogether there were 7 of us.
We'll just randomly drive the car and stop at any food outlet or shopping mall. Back then,grocery shopping was rocks! Mom or no Mom.
I had company with me,my two cousins. The three of us we'll just explore the supermarket together. Plus,whenever any one of us got really thirsty,and we had no water with us,we'll just grab one from the shelves and drink it,put it the half/empty bottle in the basket and only pay right after everyone has done getting all their things. It was like, "Drink first,Pay Later"
Strangely,the cashier never said got angry or anything like that.
But now,we don't really go out with them anymore,I don't really get to see them quite that often either. I miss those bumpy car rides.

So when Mom got all her shopping done today. We went straight home.

And since we're talking about parents right now,a few days ago, Mom asked me this after I just got back from school,

"Am I really that fierce whenever I scold you?"

I really did not know how to answer her.
But in my head I secretly said,

"Mom,you have no idea"

Be My Honeybee

Kina Grannis-Valentine
I really encourage you to watch this music video. Its too cute!

Friday, February 12, 2010


"Everything is possible" Really? Then why can't I undo my mistakes? Why is that no matter how many times you apologise to someone they just act cold towards you. It really breaks my heart that whenever I apologise to a certain someone they just won't forgive. I really hate that. I hate the fact that they have absolutely no clue how much I really mean it,how much I'm sorry.

I just hate it when people can't see true sincerity. Why are some people always blinded on all the good stuff? It's just so unfair. For each and every person in my life who just can't see my sincerity sometimes, all I can is,

"You've made me feel like I'm the most low-life person alive. Honestly."

I think I'm about to cry.

Proper & Ladylike

This is why most women take a longer time in the restroom than men.

I'm Sorry

Dear Friend,

I'm sorry.
(I'm such a selfish bitch)

Awarding & Tagging

Random Rawr ( & Seli ( gave a blog award,a few days ago,and Abby tagged me. Thank you darlings <3>

1. Music,I'm so typical :\
2. Bookstores. There's this local bookstore,in Singapore,and I love going to the far end,because that's where the good books are,and its so peaceful. I just love it.
3. Ice-cream.
4. Surprises,good surprises of course.
5. Getting the THINGS that I want.
6. Laughing out loud.
7. Meeting new people and just talking with them.
8. Movies.
9. Blogging
10. Magazines.

Basically,the things that makes me happy are the things that occupies most of time when I'm feeling down .

This is Abby's ( tag,
The task: Fill in 12 likes, 1 love, and 8 hates like Cassie in her therapy video. Below, the bolded things are what you MUST include. Link it back to me and pass it on to 3 other bloggers you admire!

Abracadabra, I wish I was Sabrina the teenage witch.
I like having fun,and I don't care if people think I'm a retard.
I like Spongebob,he's my idol
I like being spoilt.

I like guys who are sincere and who actually makes an effort to befriend me.
I like hugs.
I like tear-jerking,romance movies.

I like Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana.
I like taking photo shots of nature.
I like karma.

I like fizzy drinks,its so gooddd.
I like soap operas
I like being sarcastic
I like my name
I love nice people
Today I acted like a bitch,I'm sorry...
In some ways, I love everything.
It's less, it's less of a thing to like it's less distinct, it's less particular.
I like things that I like, but I love everything.
There's more choice in like
Cause even the worst things have things you love in them.
I don't know what you mean about things I hate.
I hate

I hate rude and ignorance people
I hate crying because of a heartbreak
I hate school.

I hate rainy mornings
I hate cliques
I hate sleeping early
I hate myself,sometimes.

Now,I really don't know who to tag. You know what? If you happen to be commenting or if I left a comment on your blog,then by all means,take it. Whoever you are,you I honestly think you deserve it.

Thanks Tricia :D

(I do not look good in pictures!)
But anyways, my classmate, Tricia, gave me that card and it made me smiled. I just had to show it to you guys. :D

Thursday, February 11, 2010


sun kissed skin
yellow leaves that dance
"good morning"
i look out of my window
i'm not pretending or trying to be positive,
but i'm speaking the truth
don't you see?
the world looks so beautiful
yes,i think it will be alright
after all,

Here's a Tip,

Tip: Before leaving your class/workplace make sure to check under the desk and in your drawers,just in case you've left something really important there.

You don't want to end up like me.

I'm always making the same stupid mistakes over and over again. Its wasn't even on purpose.

I was so careless today,that I completely forgotten to take my things out from under the desk. It was only when I was at the train station,I realised that half of my stuff was missing. One of them included my MP3 player. So of course I had to return back all the way to school and get in back. It wasn't really crucial because,not many student use our class for their extra lessons this year. Which means I could have left it there,and get it back the next morning. But I'm an anxious-kinda person,so its better to be safe than sorry. I wasted so much time,all because of my stupid careless,repeated mistake.

Well,thank goodness,it wasn't missing or anything,or I will have had a panic attack.

And right,I passed my Physics test. I didn't got an outstanding score,but I'm gald anyways. Yay?
Sometimes,its fun to get excited for the little things, y'know.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I Think I'll Just Keep My Mouth Shut for Now

"Sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut then say anything at all"

"Its better not to know the truth because the truth hurts."

I found out that my friend's boyfriend is two-timing. Neither of the girls know his a douchebag. I'm the only one that knows this right now,I can't decide whether I should tell my friend about him. Maybe I should just pretend that I have don't know anything about it. I don't really know her that much neither,we just hang everyday,that's about it. I don't even know the other girl as either. Besides,what if she's handles relationships like me? The type,that won't let this matter go and let it ruin your entire life.

I've got nothing to prove right now. And I certainly don't want to get involve in such sticky situations anymore.

I think I'm just gonna keep quiet about this one. I know I'm being mean and selfish. But I had enough of all this shit. Believe me,I had enough,and I'm not about to get involve again all too soon. I'm sorry.

It breaks my heart that some guys thinks that acting like Tiger Woods is cool.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Beauty Is Skin Deep,"i love you,beautiful"

Nate: Two years ago at the masquerade ball, I tried to tell you I loved you. But I told Jenny
Humphrey. She was wearing your mask.

Serena: You loved me?

Nate: Of course I did. You are the most beautiful, alive person I’ve ever known.

-Gossip Girl

I Loved You Yesterday

I feel so content today. Seriously. I've got a few things to tell you wonderful readers;
First off,

1) I didn't attend P.E class because I just didn't feel like playing. They played frisbee again. I have to say that I miss out on the fun. But whatever.
2) I pass my Accounts and Chemistry test. I felt so relief after looking at the score. I passed when I thought I would fail. I guess I think too much. Another reason as to why I'm glad is because,at least I'll feel less guilty whenever I spend my time on the computer all day without even bothering to revise what has been taught on that day.
3) I am worried for my Physics and Math. I tend to forget the formulas. Damn!
4) I didn't attend my after-school activity. I felt so lazy today. :( But never mind,I'll go some other day. Besides,its not really that serious. I guess. :\

The final thing that I wanna say out is;

Yup,I got over that guy I was crushing on.

Why all of a sudden?

I realised that I was wasting my time and I figured that there was more exciting things to life. I don't want to be so caught up in someone who doesn't even give a shit about you.
And I surprisingly,I don't feel upset at all. I've got other exciting things that I'm looking forward to.
So,now,he can flirt with any girl he wants,and girls can go crazy over him. Whatever,I don't give a damn.

Besides,I've got other things to focus on. I want my dream of becoming a successful journalist to come true,now,THAT would be a Fairytale to me.

So,I'm closing this damn book of mine of helplessly falling in love with someone,and I hope I won't have to write another sequel for a long from now.

(But this won't stop me from posting quotes. And I'm a hopeless romantic still)

I look,I watch,I stare,and I helplessly fall for you all over again.

I thought "What the fuck was I doing?!"

Monday, February 8, 2010

If I Stop Moving,I Will Die

I don't feel like going to school this week. Not that its been bad or anything. Just that I don't look forward for this week's lesson in school. I don't feel like going for P.E tomorrow. I don't wanna know my score for my Chemistry and Physics test. I don't feel like going for Math class ,because I don't see any point in going if you don't even understand a shit on what the teacher is blabbing about. English lesson isn't fun anymore either,the teacher just exploded in rage during class this morning. Somehow,the life that I'm going through right now just got alot more serious. The school came up with this whole new education plan for us. We're suppose to meet this certain criteria,if not,then its basically the end for us.

It's just like saying,

"If you don't get a better grades for all 7 subjects,we'll kill you."

and on top of it all;

It hurts to see someone you love,in love with someone else. Its hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

(I'm not really sad. I just like the picture)

Like,The Only Two People On Earth

I was on the train,heading back home. Like usual. There was this couple who boarded the train,after me,and I think there were oblivious to the surroundings because they were just making out as if they wasn't anybody else in the train. People were obviously watching but they just kept going on.

I usually don't bother about this things but as I was watching them,I can't help but feel annoyed and maybe even a little jealous.

Then I stood up and went to another cabin.

Just Give Me A Fucking Chance

List out all the things you like,I'm gonna take the lead,I'll give you what you need.
If though I can't explain how I do the damn thing,I'll show you tonight,that
I can do it better than her. Promise.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

I'm Not Just "Something",I Swear I Have Feelings.

i Everybody loves me. Oh,of course they do. I'm great to have a round as long as they don't have anything better to do. Most people hang around me,but after like fucking 2 minutes they happily desert me. They don't desert me because they're so stupid,it's not even because they're mean(some of them aren't) Its because I'm the kind of person people forget,that's why. I just might as well not even exist. I'm not the kind of person people fight for,popular girls fight for,I'm not really what boys want. I'm just sort of an extra. I'm boring. I'm useless. I'm a nobody. I might as well just sit here the rest of my life. Alone. In the gutter.

(I'm gonna feel this one tomorrow,and the next day,and the next day...)

Yeah,maybe I should. Its alot safer that way.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Hello,I Miss You Everyday

No one will love you like I would,if you let me. It's a strange occurrence,this feeling,that's arisen in me. I can't seem to place it nor could I explain it. It's unfamiliar,but all too familiar. A ghost of a feeling. I must have felt this in a past life. Sunlight creeps through my windows,as the morning goes on,I look out the window and wonder if you're thinking of me.

Mom and Dad are out,so I'm only accompanied by these four walls. I keep the faucet running in my empty house,so I feel a little less alone. I watch the light bend on the walls and count the minutes until I fall asleep. All this meaningless thoughts about you is making me feel a little weak.

In school,I walked silently back to class. Hands clutched tightly onto the handle of my shoulder bag. My mind was as if it was a whirlwind,I thought things through. I see you almost everyday,and I frequently tell myself that I'm over you,I don't want you. But even if I convince myself a millionth time,the thing that I feel for you won't disappear,it won't go away. I sank into grief sorrows as this pathetic,painful cycle of mine continues;

I look,I watch,I stare,I helplessly fall for you all over again.

I'm sick of this,I'm sick of this shit.

I guess it can't be help,I'm just a hopeless romantic.
A sucker for love,bitch.

Bring Back Milk & Diapers

I used to do this when I was little. Its was one of the many ways little kids do sending a sign to other people (mostly adults) to shut the fuck up.
Sometimes I wish I was still a little kid,beacause right now,most of this growing up shit, sucks.
Or maybe,I guess,my own life just sucks.

Friday, February 5, 2010

I Fell In Love with Black&White Photos

Waiting For The Call

To start things off,let me just say that,I'm really glad that today is Friday,like finally!

I went out with Charlene. Did,I told you guys she transferred? Well,she transferred about a month ago,and we had already planned to go out this Friday. Eventually, went window shopping in our school uniforms. There were quite a few nice things,that I really wanted to buy,but I was short of cash,but I didn't really mind,'cause I'm planning to visit the store again with Mom and Dad,so that they could pay for what I wanted.

I wanted to grab a bit with her at some fast food outlet,but it was getting late,and the both of us were so sleepy,so we just went our separate ways and headed home.

I checked out in the backpack that I was saving up for (still saving though),and I guess I was rather unlucky because the sales person said the size that I wanted was OUT OF STOCK! I was like,are you kidding me?? It obvious that most people don't seem to understand how critical this situation is,because I HAVE,HAVE,HAVE to get a new bag,because unfortunately the old one failed on me,its already fucking torn.And I want that bag,I just can't see myself going to school not wearing it this year,I fell in love with it from the first time I saw it. I gave the sales person my number so that she could call me when the stock has arrive. And she better call me,because I just can't stand lying sales person,who says they'll call but then they never even bother too. I guess I'm gonna have to keep my phone close to me at all times.

I have NO HOMEWORK for this weekend,way cool :) This means,that I can spend more time on my letter,I'm gonna finish it off this weekend.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I Handed You a Condom & Fake a Smile

Oh,here's a condom for you. I figured since you're acting like a dick,you should start dressing like one too.

Its late,I'll post more tomorrow. Oh and thank you for all the lovely comments on my previous post. The post its ACTUALLY a song. I didn't wrote it. (sorry to disappoint you guys) I wish I did wrote it though. BUT,I did made changes on the some of the sentences.

I didn't really had a bad day today.

I just hit some cross roads these few days.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Is This Cool/UnLoser Enough?

My alarm starts to ring and I know gotta get up out of bed,even though I'd rather stay here instead. Drag a comb through my hair I don't care that my hair is in a mess, cause today I'm not gonna worry about that.
Here's the plan, stay at home, after school,lock the doors,all alone.I don't want no company, cause I got my laptop and my MP3. Order in,throw the trash on the floor I don't care about the mess, cause today I'm trying hard to forget.
I wanna be somebody else, cause I'm getting tired of myself

Wanna waste the day,so hold all my calls,gonna show up late if I show up at all.
Need some time to crash,so I'll try not to take it personally,
Blame it on the loser in me.

I just need sometime then I'll be alright,let me hide away from my so called life
cause I lose my head every now and then,and I feel just like its happened again
Blame it on the loser in me.

And tomorrow,I have two friggin test,but I'm still sitting up here,not getting my facts right.

Blame it on the loser in me.

Hopeless Romantic

This was a secret,from "Blogsecrets". I read it,and it reminded me of my stupid self. I couldn't help but post it here

I'm in love with him and he is in love with every other girl he sees. No matter how many times people point out his flaws he will always be perfect in my eyes and that is why I am pathetic.

"Love is blind,that's why you can't see the real me,you're just blinded by everyone else."

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

We're MUCH More Hotter & Smarter Than You!! HA! ;D

even someone as cool as Hayley wants to wear glasses too!
She agrees they're cool! :o

Don't Be Stupid,Do Your Work

I survived P.E today. Frisbee was okay,it didn't turned out bad as I expected it will be. I guess I think things too much. :/ As always,I suck at games. So when my friends were about to throw the frisbee to me,I was like, "No,no,no,don't!" Which means throughout the game,I only managed to get hold of the frisbee as little as possible. But it didn't really make any difference because our team still lose. But nevertheless,I didn't regret playing. I thought it was goddamn fun!

I couldn't decide on whether I should go for my after-class activity. I was just feeling lazy. I didn't attend last week,and to be honest,I didn't want to go for this week's either. Its like you'd say, "Oh,I think I'm not gonna go for it today,just because..but I promise I'll be back next week" to be honest,you'll never come back. You eventually feel lazy and will make it a habit skipping the damn class every week. I almost did that today. But I forced myself to go. Once I was there,I had to do all the work by myself because all the some people thought they were too cool, and they were lazy enough to not do it. I hate when that happens.

You're Still Cool Even If You're Single ;)

No,we're not picky,they're just the wrong ones.
This explains it all,(well almost)

Monday, February 1, 2010

Disney's Cartoon Drama

I've never watched Desperate Housewives,and I stopped watching Gossip Girls too. I lost interest in it somehow.

But if they make a Disney version of it (like that one up there),I won't hesitate to watch it.

I'll Throw a Frisbee Tomorrow :B

Looking back at my comments on my previous,I think I've decided to go ahead and play frisbee tomorrow in P.E. Thanks for all the encouragement guys :D

I won't be writing about school,today because it was so damn boring! I hope yall had an unboring and much more interesting day then I did.

I can't believe its already February. I'm beginning to cross out the days on the calender again. Not that I'm looking forward to anything special,just that I feel the like crossing them without any relevant reason whatsoever.

I'm still working on the letter for my Mom's friend that I told you about,I have no idea how am I suppose to decorate the front cover.

I'm so tired and sleepy right now,which causes me to feel very lazy to do my homework. :/

Turn Out The Lights & Make A Wish

I can't choose. Its too difficult. I'm sorry I failed. D: