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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Mango Birthday Cake

I couldn't believe it.
I couldn't believe those words came out from my mother's mouth.

I quarreled with my Mom last night. She wouldn't stop talking,she wouldn't stop nagging.. She went on and on all night. I got so fed-up,so I went against her. I had no friggin idea what she wants from me. I cried last night after hearing what she said to/about me. Now my left eye hurts and I just feeling like sleeping. My mom,I sometimes think that she regrets having me as her daugther. Does she? It seems like it. I'm only a burden. I'm not even sure if I ever made her proud of me.

And I know that if I talk this out to anyone,they'll give me the same respond.
"Your mother cares for you." Yes,I'm well aware of that. I think its me,I'm the one with the problem,the one at fault. Its always me.

She came into my room a few minutes after. I was sobbing,hugging a pillow to my face. I guess,I was expecting myself to suffocate.
"I'm sorry,I love you" she said. She's done this before. She'll scream,apologize,then scream again after a couple of weeks.
She tried to hug me. I backed away. "Don't,stay away!!" I said,still sobbing. She tried to hug again,but I refused. Her loving actions were too soon for me to accept,especially hearing after hearing what she said.
She gave up and left. I was pretty sure she was crying too.

I wasn't crying or overreacting because she yelled at me. I was crying because of the hurtful things she said. Worse,it was all coming from my mother.

Happy Birthday,Mom.

P.S. I saw the news headlines today. I hope everyone is doing okay.


  1. Hey you,

    I can remember the feelings I had when I went through this with my mother. You guys have a rocky relationship like my mother and I did. It hurts, a lot. The reason this is happening is because she is broken somehow, meaning, she doesn't know how to handle certain situations because she has unresolved issues. Also, you are going through big big changes in your life and dealing with a lot of emotions. So together you form this sort of back and forth tug of war game. If you want it to stop, the only way is to get some advice from a counsellor or something who can give really good advice on how to respond to your mother, while controlling your emotional & habitual responses. If you do this, it might work. If you don't, it will eventually stop. I can almost completely gaurantee that your relationship with your mom will eventually change for the better. I think you're such a sweet person & I really hope my advice helped. In the meantime, keep thinking positive thoughts :) HUGS

  2. Oh and I cried really hard tonight too and it made me feel sleepy too. I kind of like that feeling :D

  3. My mom and I fought a lot when I was younger. I just never understood why she never tried to say nice things when she was angry.
    You know, I felt as if being angry was a way for her to say all the things she really felt. And, I hated that!

    Now, my mom and I are the closest things. I talked to her about anger, and she actually listened. She treats me like a treasure now.

    Trust me, It will end soon. She is going to realize she cant say stuff, and expect you to accept her apology as if no damage was done.

    Feel better soon, darling.

  4. I hope it all works out and you feel better soon. :)

  5. We've all had moments like this. But there is something special about a mother & daughter's love, it's almost volatile. Thanks for your comment, keep you head up high.

  6. I've always had - and still have - terrible fights with my mom. And you know what? You cannot think that it's always only your fault - because if you keep on thinking like this guilt will make you feel really...terrible beyond words. I'm not saying to blame things on her, but - try to think objectively about it - the blame is always on both sides. So it's not always your fauls.

    And you know what? Parents are like that often - especially mothers - they say loads of hurtful stuff and then they think they can apologize and it'll be all good. I understand why you pushed her away. Sometimes it is too soon.

    In the end, remember that parents also have sweet tendency to forget stuff :) In other words - please, cheer up, it'll be fine :)

  7. Parents can sometimes say really mean things when they're fighting, but they are really angry when they say them, and most of the time they're just trying to hurt the person they're fighting with, and don't really mean the stuff. Sorry, and I hope you two can make up soon. -Hannah


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