It Friday night and thank god I'm still alive and breathing. I'm done being upset but I'm starting to feel disappointed and mad at myself.
Because I'm so irresponsible,so careless and oblivious.
I had gotten an award for being the top student for some particular subject but I had no fucking idea about it,until one of my teachers questioned me(AFTER THE AWARD CEREMONY TODAY!) as to why I didn't went up on stage to receive the certificate from the principal.
Days before this whole ceremony took place,the teacher-in-charge of this event made it clear to us that "those who top their class,those who were top for a particular subject" were to check the list that was pasted outside the teacher's staffroom if their names were there.
The thing is,I didn't expect to win this award. I honestly didn't. Because I knew that last year my test results were terrible. So having to think that I didn't check if my name was on there.
So when all the award winners were coming on stage one after another,I was sitting in the crowd,all blur and not knowing that I was suppose to be up there getting my prize.
And when the whole event had ended,then,people started coming up to me,telling me, "Hey why didn't you go up there?" "Why didn't you collect your prize?"
WTF? Why didn't you people tell me?! I was informed my anyone that I won anything.
But I wouldn't put the blame on anyone this time because it was clearly MY FAULT for not checking the list. Now,I don't have the chance the come up on stage AND I have to wait till next week to get that prize.
See how careless and stupid this sounds? I'm even oblivious about my own achievements,talents and shit. This is probably the main reason why I'm invisible to almost everyone. They don't recognise me for something good,they can't. How can they,when I don't? And I'm ME,MYSELF!
I'm not even sure whether i deserve this talent and stuffs. I don't even have the right attitude to fit to them.