Um. Honestly,I'm not really sure how to start this post. The subject matter has been roaming in my head for as long as I can remember. And I really wanted to let out.
Ever since I was thirteen,I started having issues with clothes and trying them out in fitting rooms. It was always like,I'd picked something I'd like(with the right sizes and all) and gave it a shot in the fitting room. But unfortunately it often doesn't fit. It was either too big,too small,or it just didn't look good on me. But then when some really skinny girl tries them on,it fits them perfectly.
There was this one time when I was in this clothes store and I tried on one of their dress. It had sort of floral design and a bit of lace here and there. While I was trying it on,I was praying and hoping,hoping that it'll fit. But it didn't. I felt really disgusted with myself so I just gave the dress to the sales assistant and ran out of the store and I was crying a little.
I get really,really disappointed start to hate and get angry and with myself whenever this things happen. Eventually,it made me hate going in fitting rooms and trying on new clothes because I just didn't want to upset myself all over again.
And this made me the not so fashionable one whenever I go out in a group while the rest of them wore stuff that I could only dream about wearing.
And I only own a few selected dresses and blouses.
“Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.”
Jo March: I’m ugly and awkward and I always say the wrong things. I fly around throwing away perfectly good marriage proposals. I love our home, but I’m just so fitful and I can’t stand being here! I’m sorry, I’m sorry Marmee. There’s just something really wrong with me. I want to change, but I - I can’t. And I just know I’ll never fit in anywhere.
Little Women (1994)