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Monday, May 31, 2010

I Hate Being the Ugly One in the Group

Um. Honestly,I'm not really sure how to start this post. The subject matter has been roaming in my head for as long as I can remember. And I really wanted to let out.

Ever since I was thirteen,I started having issues with clothes and trying them out in fitting rooms. It was always like,I'd picked something I'd like(with the right sizes and all) and gave it a shot in the fitting room. But unfortunately it often doesn't fit. It was either too big,too small,or it just didn't look good on me. But then when some really skinny girl tries them on,it fits them perfectly.

There was this one time when I was in this clothes store and I tried on one of their dress. It had sort of floral design and a bit of lace here and there. While I was trying it on,I was praying and hoping,hoping that it'll fit. But it didn't. I felt really disgusted with myself so I just gave the dress to the sales assistant and ran out of the store and I was crying a little.

I get really,really disappointed start to hate and get angry and with myself whenever this things happen. Eventually,it made me hate going in fitting rooms and trying on new clothes because I just didn't want to upset myself all over again.

And this made me the not so fashionable one whenever I go out in a group while the rest of them wore stuff that I could only dream about wearing.
And I only own a few selected dresses and blouses.

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“Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.”

-J.K. Rowling


Jo March: I’m ugly and awkward and I always say the wrong things. I fly around throwing away perfectly good marriage proposals. I love our home, but I’m just so fitful and I can’t stand being here! I’m sorry, I’m sorry Marmee. There’s just something really wrong with me. I want to change, but I - I can’t. And I just know I’ll never fit in anywhere.

Little Women (1994)

25 comments:

  1. First of, I'm so loving those quotes. I adore Little Women.
    I'm so sorry you don't feel confident enough to shop. I hate the feeling of nothing feeling quite 'right'. That's why I always shop on my own, and end up trying like 10 different sizes of clothes (I HATE shopping for jeans - they never quite fit).
    I really hope you are able to get some confidence and go shopping...you never know what you might find!
    xxx

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  2. thank you so much for your lovely comment on my blog, dear! i like yours, it's so interesting-- oh, and i understand infinitely what you mean, i hate shopping! by the end of the day i feel all rumpled and awkward, and i've barely bought anything :S
    your profile piccy is lovely, by the way! x

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  3. don´t worry about that, it´s quite normal :)i´m very thin and i find it hard to find clothes too. This is our society´s fault, they think we all have to wear the same and they try us to think that if we don´t follow them, we´re ugly and bad dressed...

    i think each of us is unique and this fashion thing is turning us into robots. I usually see groups of girls in the street who are all dressed in the same way. Is that having personality? of course not...

    in my opinion, we should wear what we want, what makes us feel beautiful and not what others say

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  4. I don't really think being skinny makes clothes look better on you. I've been really thin all my life and I just can't seem to gain weight. It's pretty lame, I'm so bony and fragile and my body just looks awkward. It's actually hard for me to look good in a lot of clothes. My favourites are actually baggy clothes which hide my body!

    You should love your body just the way it is. If something you try on doesn't look well, just fuck it! :) Tell yourself it's not a big deal and just keep searching for clothes you'll love! There isn't a human being out there who looks good in everything.

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  5. Wow, its like you took what I was feeling yesterday, put it from jibberish to english and made it readable to Humans.
    Yeah, it's hard to be 100% confident in myself, but I'm working on trying to be be 99%.

    Heart your blog!

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  6. wonderful post its really awesome

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  7. i know how you feel. i haven't bought jeans in three years because nothing fits me right. and everytime i go shopping...it ends up just like your experience!
    maybe somebody should make a clothing line just for us ;)

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  8. We are never satisfied with what we have. I was very skinny during my teen years and one of my dreams was to gain weight, seriously. I was a size 0 during high school and while all my friends wore tight clothes hugging their curves, I would eat and eat hoping one day I would have their curves. And also like you, I would go into fitting rooms with so many clothes and hardly any of them would look good, they would fit, but unfortunately I would look so skinny that there was only a few clothes I could wear that would not make me feel like I was a walking skeleton. Till this day I haven't met someone who looks good in everything, we all have to search and search till we find something we feel good in, so youre not alone. Its so hard to learn to love our own body, we will all be so much better if we learn this little thing :/

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  9. First I am going to say you are not fat...I know I don't know you but I am asuming that is you in the picture up by the header right? And you certainaly are not ugly...We are all our own worse critics...You are who you are...fat, skinny, whatever you are beautiful.

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  10. It takes a shallow person to look at somebody and think, "she's fat and ugly." I would never do that to you. We're all here, and no matter what you look like, you're beautiful.

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  11. I'm sure it will get easier to find clothes! I had the same problems, so I had to find other stores to shop in. I can't wear clothes from store that run small. It helped me when I got a job in retail because I knew what to look for to dress other women and myself. :-) There's hope, no worries!

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  12. I have had these same thoughts so many times....especially after having my baby. Before he was born I was pissed that I had no boobs and now that he's here I'm pissed that I have HOLY CRAP?!?! boobs.

    I keep telling myself that someday I'll be fashionable and all...but let's be real here. It's probably not ever going to happen.

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  13. I love that you quoted Little Women.

    We'll all be okay someday.

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  14. This post hits really close to home, and I just want you to know that you aren't alone on this. I myself hate fitting rooms and the disappointment I feel when I try on new clothes. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. But we have to learn to love ourselves and our flaws unconditionally, and we have to realize that we are beautiful just the way we are.

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  15. nabilah, you are not in this alone. i sometimes wonder about that j.k. rowling quote & whether i should even care if i'm fat or not. but it's hard to accept yourself, i know. all i have to say is that you're probably a lot more beautiful than you think.

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  16. these quotes are beautiful.

    i always feel that i'm the ugly one.
    i'm hoping one day, that changes.
    xox

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  17. The JK Rowling quote is so true. Besides, I don't think you're fat, even though I don't know what you look like.
    I hate it when you feel this way. It makes me sad, and all I can feel is empathy. Please, please don't care about your body size! I've decided to stop caring, and since then, everything's been so much better. And I hate dresses anyway.
    Maybe you could try making your own clothes, it'd be fun :D

    xx Blaize.

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  18. I was so like you once upon a time and then I came to realise that it didn't matter - take me or leave me, love me or hate me, I am who I am. Now the fat one in a family of anorexic women, I'm the only happy one.

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  19. thankyou for your comment :)
    haha god ima need your luck :)
    eeeeek i know what you feel like.. my close group of friends is full of really pretty girls and then there's me.. and im like do I really fit in here?
    ahh well.. I just tell myself looks aren't everything.. what a load of bull right? but you know sometimes it's quite true :)
    xxx

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  20. I'll start by saying you are beautiful.
    Who cares about fat. I was like you when I was younger.
    I'll tell you a secret. A secret only you, Brenton, and anyone who reads this will know about.
    "I was bulimic for 3 years. I was bulimic because I'm 6'1, and athletic.
    Do you understand? No. I'll explain.
    Everyone is class called me giant, huge, and other names like that. I made them get to me."

    Now, I know there are better things than the way I look. There is beauty in me. There is beauty in you.

    Breathe in and out, Nabilah. Take slow breaths, and let yourself float.


    LOVE!

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  21. Don't be jealous of skinny girls!
    I'm über skinny, and stuff is too big for me ALL of the time & it sucks. :/ I guess everyone has their own problems, no matter what size.
    xx,
    ~Abby~

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  22. How can something as powerful as Words ever be used to hurt someone! But they sure pack a punch!

    Good stuff!

    John

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  23. little womeen <3

    loving this post! i guess you have to love yourself how you are... no matter what that is! I tried (and succeeded, I think) in that a long time ago x)

    xx scarzz

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  24. i love the JK Rowling quote, they're the kind of opinions we need, today's society is so shallow it hurts... it hurts people.
    I love your blog, it's beautiful.

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  25. i feel like that too.
    i hate it.

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